Dear all 思想回忆录

The picture explains all. So oh ya, am still on my vacation half way in Penisula, which explains my absence in this small room of cramming thoughts and grumblings.

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We're living in a world full of words, words that are said and unsaid, and those words which brings meaning or are simply meaningless. And there are words that totally brings out the meaning of everything.

Things breaks. In fact, things break all the time. Glass, and dishes, and fingernails. Cars and contracts and potato chips. You can break a record, a horse, a dollar. You can break the ice. There are coffee breaks and lunch breaks and prison breaks. Day breaks, waves break, voices break. Chains can be broken. So can silence, and fever.

I made a list of all this breaks just so I can feel at least a bit grateful for the constant beating of feelings that strikes me.

Heart Breaks.
Promises Break.

I would sound funny to you if i say that things that break- be they bones, happiness, heart, or promises - can be put back together but would not be perfect again once its broken.

And it all comes down to this word : Break.

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What does it takes for your value to be shown?? Great deals of pain?? Immense sacrifice??

How can you show how much you value them??

It was one thing to make a mistake; it was another thing to keep making it. I knew what happened when you let yourself get close to someone, when you started to believe they loved you (non-romantically): you'd be disappointed. Depend on someone, and you might as well admit you're going to be crushed, because when you really needed them, they wouldn't be there. Either that, or you'd confide in them and you added to their problems. All you ever really had was yourself, and that sort of sucked if you were less than reliable

And I think i'm the kind of person who's stupid enough to make the mistakes over and over and over again. Going through the same troubles over and over again, write them out, scream them out in this same old blog over and over again, just to realize that this problem is never even solved, as it drives on in an infinity continuum. I find myself kind of helpless facing this situation, how pathetic am I, to cry over the same problem over and over again, writing them out, but never really think of how to handle it??


How can the person ever know that he's been omitting the fact that the person who care for them is right infront of them?
How can the person ever believe that there's true love that looks for nothing in return existing in this world?
How can the person stops putting himself in the middle of the universe and depicted his life as some slef-pitying melodrama??
How can we as a friend show that we are of some value to the person's life, and convince him to rely on us completely??

I guess for now I can only work hard to be a better friend, and draw more strength from the source of Agape love, and perhaps reflect on what i've done so mistakes won't happen again? I can try. And I will.

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我从没说过我不会累

但是

我会努力

我会尽力