Campus Exotica

Ever experience an uphill battle?? 

The feeling when there's a mountain too high, that you can never imagine that you will ever climb through, as though something had bind you in place, unable to make any progress. Everything feels like a pilgrimage to doom in its finest form.

The despair, the hopelessness, knit together to form a melody so delicate it melts your heart and wavers your shaky confidence. Desperation will just eat away your previous successes, rendering them into illusions that you can no longer hold on to, while you yourself sink slowly, uncontrollably into your own death.

A2 is coming in 19 days, and DAMNIT I still know not enough in order to tackle this ordeal. Lotsa syllables to cover, lotsa commitment to keep, plus lotsa relationships to watch out for. The weight of simply everything is crushing the hope out of me. Worst still, human nature manifested during this end of days.

I see people showing their true colour, minding their own business, while watching other fall, as if its just norm of daily living. Is it true that "The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who looked on and do nothing" ??

I see people found their flock of intelligent species, as they gather and indulge in their false sense of belonging, utilizing each other just because they have the same level of intelligence. The way they please each other, gently discussing on topic that mattered really sickens me. 

I see the worst of all, survival instinct at its best. WHY THE HELL YOU GUYS HOLD BACK YOUR KNOWLEDGES?? IS IT TOO HARD OR UNFAIR TO SHARE WHAT YOU KNOW?? WHAT'S WITH THAT FACE? WHAT'S WITH THAT ATTITUDE IF I AM JUST SIMPLY A DUDE WHO COMPREHENDS SLOWER?? DO I DESERVE YOUR DISGUST JUST BECAUSE I AM SIMPLY A SLOW LEARNER? AND WHY IS YOUR FACE AND ATTITUDE DIFFERENT AGAIN WHEN YOU NEEDED MY FAVOUR??

There stood a giant mountain, higher than never before. And there I stood, in place, in desperation, questioning my will to carry on.

Should I continue??

Should I??

Should I Not?

What's holding me back from stopping?

What'stopping me from achieving?

If only I am as smart as you all, I'll be more worthy to be utilized by you all.

If only I am richer like YOU, I'll be desirable in everyway, because I look even better than YOU.

If only I am as sociable/fake as I was, I would have you all flattered by my sweet talks, without fail

If only I am popular, I would not have to go through all this outside the spotlight, where peopled don't even cared

If only I am BRILLIANT, i wouldn't have to stay alone at home all day, listen to my own solitude mocking at  me.

19 days. I have to put down, and pick up, and fight hard.