Me. Me. Me.

Imagine there was a time when you feel something deep down under

Something is not right.

You squinted your eyes to look, around.

Everything seems okay,

But deep down under you just feel wrong.

That's me.

What am I worrying?

For some reason, I know just the reason that I might react this way

But my heart just wouldn't buy that.

I'm still seeking a way out, a more earthly way to explain all of this, 

perhaps psychologically?

or perhaps scientifically?

No one talks to me now. Even she didn't,

People seem to have lotsa things to be busy with.

Remember all those little chats or conversation that mean a lot, even if it's just a few words?

Or do you recall those little things that leads me to abide in you?

Obviously you have somehow left it out of your mind, be it accidentally or intentionally, consciously or unconsciously. Guess history repeats itself in a repetitive tandem. And all I can do now is to suck it up, and perhaps to move on. 

All you can see in my world now : Vain, and gray.

I'm wondering why I get angry a lot these days ( not literally these days, it dates back to the time when I first outbursted. From Mr nice guy to Mr mean). There seem to be so much to be angry about, and it's all about me myself against the world. Is there something wrong with this mentality? Do you feel the same??

If you do, please tell me so I won't feel so weird myself.

Cause I'm sick of being the only one who feels like that, or so i think myself..

First of all

I HATE myself for working in a stupid chain restaurant that mainly attracts Rich people with Bad attitudes, which I distaste the most.

I HATE myself for putting myself down so humbly to be a labour, doing everything that most people wouldn't want to do even when offered money.

I mean, do I need money?

I may not have many

but what i have is enough to keep me alive.

Do I need to fill in my time??

No, 

I still have lotsa books to read up

and many more movies/series to catch up on

Needless to say the necessity to spend time with family during my last days in Malaysia.

Why then, do I have to put me myself, an A level graduate in this??

Do I deserve all the complains regardless I do things right or wrong??

Do I deserve to be the one tolerating when obviously everyone should have done their part?

A friend and his family came in during the New Year's Eve, booked a table of eight and have an awesome dinner. The saddest, most disappointing moment is when I laid my eyes on them, they are enjoying together and actually get to spent this special moment together. 

There they are, immersed in the warmth of celebration

And me, standing there watching, separated from everyone even after the clock strikes 12.

And I HATE all people in the world.

And whatever promises that they made.

Because when people make promises

They tend to forget about it

Unconsciously.

When you say you want to be with someone,

You really mean it when you made the promise.

But what about another 10 days?

10 weeks perhaps?

What about if i give you 1 year?

What about 10 Years?

Will your promise still carries the same passion as before??

If not, What is the worth of a promise?? 

10 cent?

If so, I'm willing to give you back your 10 cent,

Please take your promise back.

So I won't be so hopeful

And be disappointed 

Again and Again.

What promise can I still hold on to?

What trust can I still have??

P.U.S.H