People never knows

Guess who is He?

My heart is aching for wanting to have a friend like this.


Call me ungrateful, call me irresponsible, call me mean, call me anything.
I guess behind all that name-calling and labelling, people actually dont know who you really are deep down inside.

And that's what is holding me on today.

Say, you have this group assignment going on, but no one in your group seems to be interested enough to get the thing going
So you say, okay I will take this on and make this work.
You took up the RESPONSIBILITY that is supposed to be shared with everyone else
You took up the job, make a run for it, exhaust yourself, drain all your energy for the job
People didnt realize that
They wont even give you the acknoledgement that you deserve for the job you have done.
As time passed, slowly you became the "one that gets the job done", or the " one that needs to get to job done"
What used to be your volunteered helping-out, became your burden
You start to get taken for granted.
You even start to forget that THIS job is the kind of job that everyone should complete together
You burnt out
Your passion inside died out.
You reached out
You asked for help, from people in your group who is SUPPOSE to carry the weight together.
They replied

"No, sorry. I dont want to, and I dont have to clean up for you. Finish your own work."

I have tears in my heart, but no one knows why I frown.
No one knew why I sighed, while I cried inside
People forget about their weight as you carried for them, and it just naturally becomes yours.

...

I am alone in my world

多少次，我一直安慰自己

总有一天，有人会在乎

有人会把你看得比自己重要

日子久了，人见多了，话听多了

发现一切都没什么必要

有些东西太在意，就是你输了

我一直在我的世界里寻找着你，

翻来覆去见不到你

才发现

原来

我一直都是孤单的

和我对话的

只是那姗姗来迟，

熟悉的回音

Broken goods

At first,
I warned you
That I am a broken good
A broken toy who get hurt
Just as easy
As the waves break up at the shore

But you,
You are blinded
By the rush in your veins
Butterflies taking flight in your heart
It's just as easy
As you took me in into your life

Those days,
Best I remembered
Time passed so fast I forgot
That I was once broken,  fragile
And slowly I forget
How being broken mattered to us anymore

And now,
You had seen
The hideous, sad part of me
You forgot at once who I'm
And you only saw
The stranger that you can hardly accept

It's okay
I am broken
You can't break what already is
I am simply just broken goods
Too heavy to carry
You can just leave me here if you want to
Cause you won't wound what is already broken

Just a word post

I wonder how will people remember me as.
People come and go in this little train of life.
But will you remember me as that warm hearted guy that will lit up your heart as you remembered me?
Will you remember me as that steadfast kind of friend who will bring a smile to your face as I cross your mind?

If it's true for you.  I am glad I have brought some light into your life.
If not.  I regret that I should have tried harder.

Life is hard.
Wish everything has a simple solution like back in the days. 

Belated new year

Hey, its me again.

Its been a long long time since I last came up and talk to you. How are you doing? Its not a surprise for me if this place is long forgottten, gathered some dust, got a few cobwebs, maybe. Its been so long that my heart ached wanting to come back, wanting to grow out of this hiatus, wanting to break free from everything that holds me back from dancing on the keyboard, say a few words, and look back, and see how had my life been, for the past few months.

So, how are you? How am I?

... When I first started this blog, I write things about me, and then read back to it and see myself from a third eye. That's how I get to know myself. So basically i dont think much while i blog, just blurting whatever things that came to my mind; and when I review the posts, all things will stand out just enough.
And now, I still do that And now, I still enjoy doing so
Sometimes we think we know ourselves so much that we thought we had mastered our life We have that tinge of superiority, being untouchable, invisible, running in our veins, gives us the struts and we make our steps
but
Sometimes part of us that we never knew about, surfaces Sometimes we dont know ourselves as well as we thought Sometimes maybe, we kept feeding ourselves with the impression of us, and hide another part of us
In the end, we created a falseself that even we dont recognise. Tell me, do you recognise the you in the mirror? Is he/she who you truly are??
Sometimes just cant help but wonder why are there such monstrosity being bred within me


...

New Year. New Beginning.
It sure does feel really meh considering the fact that I am in the second year of my BDS study, and nothing is really interesting in India aside from my new "mercedes", and occasion friends visits.

Studies wise, well I rather not talk about it

The whole "live life out loud, and just be yourself" resolution of 2014 obviously doesnt really work well for me. So yea, I dont really have a clue of how to start my new year. ><

Happy Meh year everyone. Belated meh year, I mean.

Till then

我很好，就老了一点

每次看着别人的生活照

我会不禁觉得

他们的生活

真的是很色彩斑斓

那我的呢？

我的生活

是不是彩色的？

好想念这里

我答应我自己

我要回来

Busy

One Simple rule in Life:

People can always judge you,
but never judge yourself,
when you know full well that,
your conscience is clear.

Wrap-up

And I say, Blabber Away, Joshua.

And here I am again, just blabbering away whatever crap thoughts that enter my head, and pour into this collection of words and ideas unwelcomed in this now sickened society.

…

 

So how am I doing lately??

I think a few words wouldn’t be enough for me to wrap up everything that I’ve been through in this 2 long months of absence.

And hence, a short wrap-up, and I promise to be as detailed as possible.

…

Study Week. Final Exams. Holiday. End of First Year.

I think I am still pretty much cracking my head trying to figure out who am I, and where am I standing in this world. Things had been so different from the past, and everything around me just looks so peculiar, and yet so familiar. I’ve almost came out with this conclusion that I am mentally breaking down, but I decided to deny it, and continue to hold onto the hope that perhaps everyone is going through the same thing too.

I can only hope.

Somehow I don’t think I am a bit at all tailored to undertake degree studies in a university, because I know up until now I am still not adapted to study in this kind of environment where people are really striving and thriving hard to be the best of the best, and give in their all for a more distinct title on this paper of so-called “certificate”.

People would stay up all night and burn out their midnight and morning oil just to study, while I would prefer to sleep because it is more beneficial to my wellbeing.

I would feel dejected and sometimes annoyed when people pour in their bestest effort into academics, as if all their life is about studying, and their life revolves around studies and grades.

Am I missing the point here??

Maybe its not the matter of right or wrong here, what matters is the norm.

Maybe all people dedicate their life to study around here, and I am the odd one out.

I am the only one not fitting into the picture

I am the only unable to fit in into the society.

You can slap me and tell me in my face that I am just sulking because I am not getting a satisfying result, that I am just being bitter. But I am actually fine with that, and in fact I felt free, and that the air is cleaner for the moment. This kind of thing is not my first priority, and it never will be. But I do feel resented by the fact that, maybe I don’t belong here.

I don’t belong.

…

I watched The Fault in Our Stars, and I can’t help but not like it, because it’s a nice movie, but a movie too sad for me to take in and imagine it happening in the reality.

Funny thing is that, I kept thinking that there’s some hidden messages that the director wish to relay, that perhaps he’s trying to deliver a deeper meaning through this literally short-lived love story. Although from the looks of it the movie is pretty straight forward and blunt, but my mind kept on loiter around in the movie’s universe, and toying on the role of that mean, bitchy writer, and the real meaning behind “Some infinities are bigger than some infinities”

Okay, I admit the movie somehow found a place in my head, and I am trying hard to flush it out of my mind simply because it is too sad.

Yea, so I still don’t like it.

But often times, don’t you think that life is very similar??

We would never know when the last time we will be with our loved ones is, we wouldn’t possibly know when our time comes.

Life, though predictable, is not so predictable at times.

It’s not something cliché that I use to impress people, but I just feel deeply so.

When the time comes, would we still have any regrets? Or would we feel satisfied and have no regrets?

And I wonder,

Is it that good time doesn’t last long, so we might learn to appreciate the brief, bright glow it shines on our life and realizes its true value?

Is it that bad times seems so long, so we might grow stronger and live out of it, and one day look back and feel accomplished from how far we had come?

But there are a couple of things that I am sure of,

That pain demands to be felt

And that the world is not a wish-granting factory.

…

I want to leave a mark.
But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars

Nothing is ever simple anymore,

Living a life is no longer a simple thing

I might not be the friendliest person that you will meet in your life, and I can be mean and insensible

But trust me

When you sees me under these mask of ever unpredictable demeanor, I would make sure I walk the extra mile to see you, too.

And with that, you will be a friend.