Me. Me. Me.

Imagine there was a time when you feel something deep down under

Something is not right.

You squinted your eyes to look, around.

Everything seems okay,

But deep down under you just feel wrong.

That's me.

What am I worrying?

For some reason, I know just the reason that I might react this way

But my heart just wouldn't buy that.

I'm still seeking a way out, a more earthly way to explain all of this, 

perhaps psychologically?

or perhaps scientifically?

No one talks to me now. Even she didn't,

People seem to have lotsa things to be busy with.

Remember all those little chats or conversation that mean a lot, even if it's just a few words?

Or do you recall those little things that leads me to abide in you?

Obviously you have somehow left it out of your mind, be it accidentally or intentionally, consciously or unconsciously. Guess history repeats itself in a repetitive tandem. And all I can do now is to suck it up, and perhaps to move on. 

All you can see in my world now : Vain, and gray.

I'm wondering why I get angry a lot these days ( not literally these days, it dates back to the time when I first outbursted. From Mr nice guy to Mr mean). There seem to be so much to be angry about, and it's all about me myself against the world. Is there something wrong with this mentality? Do you feel the same??

If you do, please tell me so I won't feel so weird myself.

Cause I'm sick of being the only one who feels like that, or so i think myself..

First of all

I HATE myself for working in a stupid chain restaurant that mainly attracts Rich people with Bad attitudes, which I distaste the most.

I HATE myself for putting myself down so humbly to be a labour, doing everything that most people wouldn't want to do even when offered money.

I mean, do I need money?

I may not have many

but what i have is enough to keep me alive.

Do I need to fill in my time??

No, 

I still have lotsa books to read up

and many more movies/series to catch up on

Needless to say the necessity to spend time with family during my last days in Malaysia.

Why then, do I have to put me myself, an A level graduate in this??

Do I deserve all the complains regardless I do things right or wrong??

Do I deserve to be the one tolerating when obviously everyone should have done their part?

A friend and his family came in during the New Year's Eve, booked a table of eight and have an awesome dinner. The saddest, most disappointing moment is when I laid my eyes on them, they are enjoying together and actually get to spent this special moment together. 

There they are, immersed in the warmth of celebration

And me, standing there watching, separated from everyone even after the clock strikes 12.

And I HATE all people in the world.

And whatever promises that they made.

Because when people make promises

They tend to forget about it

Unconsciously.

When you say you want to be with someone,

You really mean it when you made the promise.

But what about another 10 days?

10 weeks perhaps?

What about if i give you 1 year?

What about 10 Years?

Will your promise still carries the same passion as before??

If not, What is the worth of a promise?? 

10 cent?

If so, I'm willing to give you back your 10 cent,

Please take your promise back.

So I won't be so hopeful

And be disappointed 

Again and Again.

What promise can I still hold on to?

What trust can I still have??

P.U.S.H

2013 : The Radiant Shades of Gray

I see myself walking on a dark corridor.
The alley is lit, with dying fluorescent tube hanging idly on the wall.
Ground is unkempt, tiles sprawling everywhere.

The walls too, endless streak of white tiles, which looks gray now to blemishes of ages.
They all used to look white, I thought

What then, makes them gray, which deviates from their true nature??

If those are just blemishes, then, how can they be transformed again, from radiant shades of gray, to as white as hyssop? 

The corridor rumbled to life, each tile separates from their place, each have their own tale to tell, and disappears into the light at the end of the tunnel. What's at the end, I know not. I only know that there'll be light at the end.

Let each and every shades of gray be brought out to light, and have their stories told, and have ears listen to them, and have eyes to read them, and have the heart to feel them.

 Happy New Year, And braces yourself to hear from the dark side.

Grace

I do know that God's grace comes in many ways.

Recently, I've scratched another person's car accidentally and had to pay a sum of money to compensate the person, while sustaining damage on my own car. At first, I was devastated, and pretty much it spoil my mood as i was on my way to meet my friend and celebrate his belated birthday, mainly because I've prayed for the journey ( Which i did every single time before i drive), and i asked her to pray for me as well.

I feel so F***ed up and it really swayed my faith and reliance on God.

But come to think of it, the amount that the car owner requested is far more less than the actual figure needed to repair the scratches. And I'm truly thankful for the owner for being so understand for not asking for more since this is my first time and I'm just a student.

And for sure i'll be more careful the next time, and most probably, there'll not be other people's blood on my hands just because i'm more careful from now on.

Isn't that God's grace itself?? =) I wish I can understand God's will more and more each day.

...

 Had my haircut just recently.

My hair used to be very lousy due to the "awesome" undercut the hair designer gave me during the last saloon visit. You can imagine how dumbstruck i am when realizing my head is like "that" after he finished cutting.

And after sometimes, i looked like this (front view):

Oh yea, Like a Boss.

My favourite Walking Dead Character.

Now :

Aha. XD

Merry Christmas

Christmas.

Many people are most probably loitering around, perhaps endlessly around in shopping malls, or perhaps just doing that for the sake of fulfilling "what you should do during Christmas". Some might as well ordered a cup of coffee and isolate themselves at a corner in the Starbucks outlet. Some will be gathering together to celebrate a year that had gone by and cherish it together with a bunch of friends/love ones.

As of me??

WORK.

double-pay though *Trumpet Sounds*

A whole new Christmas experience for me. aside from the usual celebrations and more celebrations, I'm forced to work and at the same time switch off whatever playing mood in me.

However, come to think of it. Who in the world would have the time to play on this celebration? Most people would be so unfortunate that they have to continue to work hard, in order to earn a living for tomorrow.

Can they stop and have fun and relax just for a day?

No.

I've learn to be thankful for this awesome job while I can earn money just by reading newspaper. XD

Kidding~ 

reading newspaper while the store is closing.

Outside, shutter is down already, and Christmas tree is still there.

Practically I'm enveloped by rich Christmas Atmosphere still.

The mistletoe

The Chime bells

The Christmas Tree

The Carols

The CDs that I'm so bored of

I love Christmas.

是她

她是谁？

谁是她？

她

是在绝望的黑暗中，那一盏不显眼的灯

她

是在悲哀的低潮中，那一双聆听的耳朵

她

是所有人都不明白时，那一丝丝，窝心的体谅

她

是一个人呕心沥血奋斗时，那一个小小可靠的肩膀

她

是所有的不完美尽显时，那一份感人的包容

她

是在每一个考验中，那一把默默支持的声音

她

是在每一个绝境中，哪一颗不懂得放弃的心

谢谢你，一翔

圣诞节不懂得送你什么礼物好，希望你会喜欢

我要让所有的读者知道

她，

就是你。

欢迎来到我和读者们的世界里

圣诞快乐。

So hmmm.... 21121012

So everyone is pretty much alive here..

Anyone there??

What do they say about the doomsday as mentioned by the Mayans?

Erm... passed??

Yay.

So coming right up, let's prepare some mood for the coming Christmas

Let's catch a santa for our home's decor, no??

Bummer.

Anyways, the kitty above pretty much brings my mind to a particular little kitty named Bells.

He's fat.

He probably runs around a lot.

And he's fat,

The point is.

Though i never met him in person, I really do miss him.

Bell and his adorable sleeping posture

HAPPY POST-DOOMSDAY everyone. =)

21122012

To my surprise many people are actually taking this seriously. Oh My Gawd, people must be tweeting insanely on the end of the world this moment, if they have one tweeter account. Sigh, I might as well put up a status, no?

The end of a chapter often flips into a new chapter.

So where does this so called "end of the world" leads us to??

I think we need to know, just in case, that IN CASE the world ends today, we'll have a new one waiting for us, unbreakable, and lasting for eternity. Are we believing at this hour?? Should we take a minute out and reflect on ourselves instead of busy scrolling through Facebook notifications??

Well, I'm pretty sure that the world won't end today, I haven't go to India, I haven't earn real money, I haven't travel around the world, I haven't get married, and there's too much "I haven't" for me if the world ends.

Anyways, 

Matthew 24:36
No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

We can't know for sure. =)
See you tomorrow if the world doesn't end.