*Tape Screeches*
Yep. That's me. That's me graduating into adulthood.
You must be wondering how I came to be in this very spot now.
Well, there's a story to that.
...
It all begins with me stepping into this odd country of India. We would all wonder someday, all these Indians we see in Malaysia, how is it like in their home country? It's something we would all think and then brush off to the back of our mind. I am one of those unlucky one to come to experience India. Call it fate, call it destiny, it truly defined who I am and mother India played a part in nurturing me into who I am today.
Now, this is not an inspiring sob story that will change your outlook of life, so if you are looking for meaning of life in this post, I am sorry that you wont find what you need any further down the post. In fact, this is going to be a boring ass post if you dn personally know me. It's just a long-winded recount of my journey here in India, where I have spent 5 years of my life in.
The first thing that I felt is the immense culture shock that rocked my core. Like seriously what the F*** WHY THESE PEOPLE ACTUALLY BLATANTLY CUT MY FUDGING QUEUE (that actually happend within the first 3 hour of my adventure in India, in a KFC on the journey to my city). And, like seriously WHY MY THINGS ARE NOT RETURNING AFTER THEY BORROW FROM ME. I guess a country does have their distinct social geography, different social background, different culture, different upbringing in families, et cetera. Everything just feels fresh, new (sometimes in an annoying way), and I sort of enjoyed it at first. It's like a whole new journey is ahead of me. New life, New beginnings, and stuffs.
And after the honeymoon period comes the settling-in of the reality. It hits hard, and badly. That's when I start to realize I actually miss my family and friends back in Malaysia (not the sentimental, sob-ish kind of missing, just a nostalgic feeling).
Reality sets in when I faced hardship in dealing with the new environment,
when I try to fight an uphill battle to cope with the constant ragging, suffocation by the academic syllables
when I had my first fight with the auto driver for an excess 20rupees (RM1) fare charge.
when my friend is dying from a disease that everyone fail to diagnose during his stay in India.
when I first screw up with my study plan and have to cram 3 months worth of knowledge into a late night midnight study session the night before exam
when my car first ran out of petrol, and I totally had no idea why my car sputters constantly then died.
when I had my first clash with my oppresive lecturer, whom I cannot raise a complain against simply because she has "noble blood" running in her veins.
It was those moments that taught me that India is not as forgiving as Malaysia. Wait. scratch that. India taught me that living an adult life is not going to be as forgiving as when I am leading a cozy, semi-dependent life back in Malaysia. I knew then I am set on a self-building journey to be a responsible adult.
There are times when I thought I am gonna die of growing up too slow.
But I endured. I persevered and made it through. ( I am still alive, am I?)
Coincidentally enough (or not), at the age of 18 we are slowing growing and each develop our own character. We all became someone with strong character and from there branches all kind of trouble. We argue, we fight, we all think we are right in our own way, denying all possibilities that other could be right too. We've grown proud, with our ego in its prime, as if we are ready to head on with whatever tantrums others might throw at us. We grew apart. We gang up. We built our own walls, surround ourselves with people that are comfortable to live with, but ironically have no reservation on offending others with our brutal honesty, our own version of truth.
We all became a villain in someone else's story.
And from there we faced hardships, have our fair share of crying in our bed at night for some problem that doesnt matter now. And we adapt, we learn to get along, we learn to communicate better, we learn to tolerate others behaviours as we continue to grow into a person with dull edge. Though it sounds good, but what did that actually costs us?
We lost the light in our eyes in memorable moments
We lost the fire in our heart for a meaningful life.
We became numb.
We became zombies that only strives to survive, to weather whatever hardships and not fall, though our souls died in the process.
But I like to think that it is not permanent, and in the end we would find ourselves at the end of the tunnel, when we finally see the light in the end.
India is like a cradle to me like how a mother's embrace is like to a baby.
She took me in, an unpolished, rough reckless boy and waited for me to grow into a slightly better man.
I would like to think that I am the best version of myself as of now, thanks to India.
And here I am, as you can see in the picture.
I am holding the degree certificate, the key to my future,
and I am finally making it out of this chapter of my life.
And if you wonder what my feelings are now, I cant help but to feel sorry.
Because these pages aren't enough to make you understand how torn up I am to love and to hate, at the same time to leave this shithole-ish, yet beautiful place.
Now, this is not an inspiring sob story that will change your outlook of life, so if you are looking for meaning of life in this post, I am sorry that you wont find what you need any further down the post. In fact, this is going to be a boring ass post if you dn personally know me. It's just a long-winded recount of my journey here in India, where I have spent 5 years of my life in.
The first thing that I felt is the immense culture shock that rocked my core. Like seriously what the F*** WHY THESE PEOPLE ACTUALLY BLATANTLY CUT MY FUDGING QUEUE (that actually happend within the first 3 hour of my adventure in India, in a KFC on the journey to my city). And, like seriously WHY MY THINGS ARE NOT RETURNING AFTER THEY BORROW FROM ME. I guess a country does have their distinct social geography, different social background, different culture, different upbringing in families, et cetera. Everything just feels fresh, new (sometimes in an annoying way), and I sort of enjoyed it at first. It's like a whole new journey is ahead of me. New life, New beginnings, and stuffs.
And after the honeymoon period comes the settling-in of the reality. It hits hard, and badly. That's when I start to realize I actually miss my family and friends back in Malaysia (not the sentimental, sob-ish kind of missing, just a nostalgic feeling).
Reality sets in when I faced hardship in dealing with the new environment,
when I try to fight an uphill battle to cope with the constant ragging, suffocation by the academic syllables
when I had my first fight with the auto driver for an excess 20rupees (RM1) fare charge.
when my friend is dying from a disease that everyone fail to diagnose during his stay in India.
when I first screw up with my study plan and have to cram 3 months worth of knowledge into a late night midnight study session the night before exam
when my car first ran out of petrol, and I totally had no idea why my car sputters constantly then died.
when I had my first clash with my oppresive lecturer, whom I cannot raise a complain against simply because she has "noble blood" running in her veins.
It was those moments that taught me that India is not as forgiving as Malaysia. Wait. scratch that. India taught me that living an adult life is not going to be as forgiving as when I am leading a cozy, semi-dependent life back in Malaysia. I knew then I am set on a self-building journey to be a responsible adult.
There are times when I thought I am gonna die of growing up too slow.
But I endured. I persevered and made it through. ( I am still alive, am I?)
Coincidentally enough (or not), at the age of 18 we are slowing growing and each develop our own character. We all became someone with strong character and from there branches all kind of trouble. We argue, we fight, we all think we are right in our own way, denying all possibilities that other could be right too. We've grown proud, with our ego in its prime, as if we are ready to head on with whatever tantrums others might throw at us. We grew apart. We gang up. We built our own walls, surround ourselves with people that are comfortable to live with, but ironically have no reservation on offending others with our brutal honesty, our own version of truth.
We all became a villain in someone else's story.
And from there we faced hardships, have our fair share of crying in our bed at night for some problem that doesnt matter now. And we adapt, we learn to get along, we learn to communicate better, we learn to tolerate others behaviours as we continue to grow into a person with dull edge. Though it sounds good, but what did that actually costs us?
We lost the light in our eyes in memorable moments
We lost the fire in our heart for a meaningful life.
We became numb.
We became zombies that only strives to survive, to weather whatever hardships and not fall, though our souls died in the process.
But I like to think that it is not permanent, and in the end we would find ourselves at the end of the tunnel, when we finally see the light in the end.
India is like a cradle to me like how a mother's embrace is like to a baby.
She took me in, an unpolished, rough reckless boy and waited for me to grow into a slightly better man.
I would like to think that I am the best version of myself as of now, thanks to India.
And here I am, as you can see in the picture.
I am holding the degree certificate, the key to my future,
and I am finally making it out of this chapter of my life.
And if you wonder what my feelings are now, I cant help but to feel sorry.
Because these pages aren't enough to make you understand how torn up I am to love and to hate, at the same time to leave this shithole-ish, yet beautiful place.
