Sometimes

Sometimes I miss just lying down and look at the stars with some good company
and look at the constellation of stars
no one has to say anything
but just look up in silence
and silently drown in serendipity.

Sometimes I miss a good talk
those kind where you get to know more about yourself
the kind of talk where you can talk and get talk back to
in a genuine manner
not just the usual empty-shell talks
but the truly inspiring ones

Sometimes I miss being alone
when I dont have to care for anyone's feelings
when I dont have to think what to say next to make everyone happy
The time alone when I can be truly honest with myself
with a glass of mellow scotch, maybe
No one else but me and the dead silence.

Sometimes, I just miss living again.
And I miss all the people that comes with it.


...

Life comes a full circle
And I am back to where I started.

Confused, lost, in pain
I don't even know who I am anymore
I only know that the one who I used to be, is no more

I am no longer myself

I picked up a lot of things along the way
and now I am not really sure what of me is mine and what is not.

I tried to care. I tried to try make people happy.
But I realize that no one is ever truly satisfied.
What makes it worst is when I realize that, people meant a lot for me doesnt give a damn for me
I really gave it a try.
But in the end, all my concerns are being treated like an annoyance.

Maybe I am not the one that you want to hear from.
Maybe however concerned you are, sometimes what matters is the right person, not the right intentions.

Its okay. I really did try. I really did step out of my comfort zone and try to care.
But as much as I want to muster every courage I have in me to hate, I can't seem to do it.
trust me, I really do.

Because
You don't deserve it.
All these disappointment tells me that you dont deserve it.

...

p.s. Why am I judged for being real, and others are love for being fake?