I didnt manage to get into the first batch of intake
If you asked me how is the day I knew I am going to be jobless for the next 3 months like, I can't find a good word for you, because I myself dn really remember how did the day go, except that it was dark, and dreadful, and I see lots of smiley faces but not mine.
I was sort of devastated.
I mean, what am I suppose to do for the next 3 months, while my friends around me started to work as a dentist, have a regular pay, on their way to build a future for themselves,
while I just sulk at a dark corner, choking back on my own salty tears?
I guess you can tell me that its not a big deal, that others had it worst than me. that another 3 months is nothing compare to those who had waited 1 year but still havent earn bread on their plates.
But I guess all that is not enough to justify the bitterness I felt in my gut, the blur in my eyes that cant place a sight on my future, and the nagging in my mind at night, that ate me up.
No one can deny the right to feel what the heart feels.
I had everything planned out, from starting to find a higher earning job in KL from Nov, then switch to a job closer to my working field one/two months before I actually start my job (tentatively in March), then actually get a job then start working as a dentist, getting my own place and start earning my living.
But shit just gotta mess up your life somehow.
I guess up until now I still blame my bad luck.
Like nothing ever goes well for me for the past months.
First, I didnt manage to go home in time due to work extension
Second, the regazzettement of our college name (which ultimately lead to the delay of me getting my job.
Third, the downs I had in my job ( like seriously can I have a win in my life?)
Then, I got robbed of my phone, all my memories held dear are taken from me.
Come on, can it be any worse?
Hell yea, there you go, no job for you for the next 3 months, have fun and rot.
Some people asked me to retain my job as a Dental Surgery Assistant ( DSA ), while I am waiting.
But I can't do it.
I can't stomach the fact that I am stuck in a place while my friends had moved on, to the next screen.
I cant do it.
So I quit my part time job, and start to search for a meaning in my life, in the midst of waiting and rotting.
I guess I have my senior to thank for.
He asked me, "think about what you want to do the most, and do it. do it to your hearts content"
And it woke up something in my heart that will not die.
"To see the world,
things dangerous to come to,
to see behind walls,
draw closer,
to find each other,
and to feel.
That is the purpose of LIFE"
I guess I am a wanderluster to begin with,
and I am always fascinated with how the world looked like out there.
And sometimes I think I could capture the goodness of a place from my own perspective and share it with the world, so they can have a take of what my eyes see, and be fascinated themselves too.
I longed to see the world.
I want to go far and wide.
So I packed my bag, and I left.
Yes, I started traveling solo, to see the world with me, myself and I.
Honestly at first I am quite fearful, of how big the world is that it might engulf me and drown me.
This is the first time I go to a foreign country on my own, with no list to do, not a name on my paper, just my feet bringing me wherever it felt like.
I touched down on Melbourne with only one goal in mind: To forget about my reality.
"Sometimes I don't.
If I like a moment,
for me, personally,
I don't like to have the distraction of the camera.
I just want to stay in it"
Yeap as you all can see, its not all that scary, I made it back to tell you all my tale.
Well, I come back a better person, resigned to my fate and ready to see things in with a fresh eye.
I guess what I am trying to say is, in another 10 years when I look back, I would thank God for giving me this 3-month-break, and amazed by HIS almighty wisdom in setting my life course this way.
I continue to pray that to be true.
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