Through the eyes of a star gazer

Just little bit of update on me.
And so, I became this guy who thought he fixed himself, and in the end is overwhelmed by the fact that he's no better than that, he's worse than ever.
I searched. I lifted the carpet that usually hides nasty stuffs. And I found myself. Me. A Broken Toy. A guy with so many scars that he's not willing to take any risk that might let himself get hurt again.
And I tried to drown my demons, threw myself deep down into the limbo. But sadly, I almost drowned and yet still they survived. I think the thing is, they know how to swim and I don't. Now, my subconscious just calls out to remind me again and again of the broken dream that I used to put so much hopes in.
I was reminded of all the good time that we used to had together. I was reminded of a good long 2 years of  lovely commitment that was gone in two months. I was reminded that now my mind is blank. My heart feel numb. And my stomach feels hungry.
For a guy like me who doesn't know how to feel anymore, I think I can only watch, and observe from the bystander's view through my default eyes.
And I hope I can see traces of silver lining In this ashen world.

...



Life



Life is a constant process of making mistakes, and making amend for all the mistakes that you've done. We hurted people. We did the wrong things. We made the wrong choice. We said the wrong words. All that impacted us deep within and brings forth metamorphosis within us, from the inside out. WE changed, totally just for the mistakes that we've made. And we lived on for those mistakes, as what've changed within brings reminder to what we've done in the past.

We are mistakes that we've done in the past.

Come on now, don't tell me you are that tactful since birth. And don't tell me that you cared from the start. It's the mistakes.

...

Life is an equivalent exchange.Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost.Equivalent Exchange doesn't encompass everything that goes on here, but I still choose to believe in its principle: that all things do come at a price, that there's an ebb and a flow, a cycle, that the pain we went through did have a reward, and that anyone who's determined and perseveres will get something of value in return, even if it's not what they expected.

Just put things simple, as you gain, you lost.
As you get closer to someone



Look Around




Someone is fading away.


All of this is just sad isn't it? What kind of equivalency is this? Why can't people just be close to everyone and make this world a happy one?? Why all these melodrama about who Bff with who and who's in an awkward tension with who??

If.... Life were simple and people were simple.