Fear and Frustrations

Hello and I am back again.

I am starting to appreciate the availability of a space for me to rant and rant and rant and rant, and am starting to appreciate the wonderful de-stressing sensation tapping on my keyboard.

Although, the sensation is now an unfamiliar one.

...

We grow. And we learn to take good care of ourselves, and carry our own luggage. We are being forced into taking care of our own business, without expecting others to lend a hand; cause that's just part and parcel of growing up, we are no longer dependent, and we are fully capable of doing things on our own.

So WHY THE HELL these kind of lousy people still exist in this world??

Nature go out of order?

The earth spun the other way round??

Failure in education system??

Why are there people who cant even take care of their own business??

I am literally speechless.

They would just complain, and talk their way to kingdom come, and ultimately expect things to be smoothen out for them. I mean what the hell?? Why not start doing something instead of talk talk talk talk and sitting there playing with your smartphone?? Is it too hard for you to start moving your soon-to-be-rotten body and work?? Can you get things done by continue your nonsense talk? Owh, shall I help out with all these mess that you are not making an effort to solve??

Perhaps I shall help you with changing your own diapers??

Being a nice guy sometimes put you in terrible deep shit that you dont even deserve to be in, to start with.

Why let people take advantage of you??

Do they even have the right??

All you have done is feeding the darkness of this fallen nature.

Seriously, why help out and let them think that, its actually okay to be this lazy and expect people to make things right for them??

Oh ya YOU.

Please do the environment a favour. 

DISAPPEAR.

Making mental note that I shouldn't spoil my kid in the future, lest they become a detestable burden for other people. I've seen enough, and had enough. All I can do is to make sure I myself don't contribute to this fall of human kind.

...

"This is really selfish but

Why can’t mental illness be like any other kind of sickness where you go to hospital and your loved ones come and give you flowers and tell you that they love you and hold your hand and make sure you get better

Why doesn’t that happen instead of awkward silences and embarrassing tears and messy bedsheets and a bunch of other stuff no one actually talks about

W H Y"

...

When I am out there all alone, only then I realize I have almost zero tolerance for Idiots.

Idiots who expect people who do things for them with a single command.

Idiots who love to win

Idiots who love to gain advantage over others

Idiots who's extremely self conscious in every single occasion

Idiots who's so ignorant about how to make other people's life better and instead, became a burden.

Cut me some slack please?

Maybe I rebelled in a different way, in a way I am fully aware of.

God Help Me.

That was a Long Hiatus Eh?

I'm back.

That's right, I am finally back.

As I slowly faded away from this realm where I can freely articulate my thoughts and shape them into blocks of words, many things happened and need lotsa time to get adjusted to, and in the end, I just disappeared, fade into black.

I never thought I will be back again, and I thought this is the point of my life when I need to say goodbye to this place where I have been abiding in for shelther, to this peaceful sanctuary of mine in the chaos. I thought I would lose it forever, as a guy who once think that he would never ever stop blogging.

I thought I am shutting the door, locking it, and walking away, and never remembering it again.

But I didn't.

I came back, because I just can't stand the ache of losing something which had done so much for me, something so dear. This place had selflessness take in all my disappointment, anger, thoughts, perceptions, happiness, hollowness without any reserve, and most importantly with no judgement at all. And who am I if I am hearty enough to leave this realm which had done so much for me?

And I am glad I am back.

Better than ever.

So what changed??

Life changes. Everyone changes. Nothing is the same if you are peeking through the same looking glass I was using the last time you read my post. Everything is constantly changing, or constantly exert, or being exert on, the force of change. Its ever-changing.

I am happier.
I found a reason to smile again.
I think I had gone astray, a bit.
I start to love Indian food, though the rest of my batchmates are still having this unknown hate towards these foods.
I become a more organized person, and therefore are often times troubled by minute matters that the Me in the past wouldnt give a damn to. Those academic, procedurial stuffs, and stuffs.
I think less.
I lost a friend to Atypical Pneumonia.
I lost hope and faith in many things.
I have had my share of sadness and sorrows, my routine of sleepless night.
And I am still holding on.

And oh btw, I got a twitter account. ^^

My friend told me if I compiled all my tweets (which is a total freaking huge number of 3000 tweets in short 2 months), they will be just about the length of a few blogs. But I think what I said here is more real than anything that I can disclose at anytime of the day, anywhere else. And this makes this place real. And I guess that's why I stayed, instead of moving on?

Well, I do realize without the honing of my blogging skills, my blogpost become a bit of unfluent and it sounds just... less interesting. But Anyways, I am just glad I am back.

...

Sometimes I think happiness and contentment in life is so simple.

It simply means losing grasp for the meaning of life, and finding new meaning of life when the sun shines again, and most importantly, how we SMILED in between.

We may lose hope, but doesn't mean we have to give up, and it doesn't mean its the end.

Perhaps, its the nature forcing us to look at the matter from a new angle?

We can only hope in times of doubts.