Dear Blog

Dear Blog.

It’s been quite somewhile since I last visited and leave a word or two. For the time being, I’m just really occupied with settling myself down in this comfy little home of mine. Well, if truth be told, it feels really good and at long last, at ease when I stepped into this physical sanctuary of mine once again.

True enough, even if the world would go against you, home is the only place where we can find no one that’ll try to put us in harm ways.

Family won’t ever leave or give up on you, nor will they forsake you.

I thank God for them, and I hope that in this 2 months, I can spend enough time with them so I won’t regret when I move forward with my life, further away from all of them.

…

There’s something that I wanted to tell you. Something so small I think people wouldn’t even notice, like how they wouldn’t notice the fact that when they slept tonight, it’ll be June already when they woke up the next morning.

Speaking of which, it’s really 1^st of June already tomorrow. I can’t help but find myself amused by the fact that I, for one also almost missed this little common sense.

People reflects.

Human reciprocates whatever that they see, hear, or feel.

I smile at you. You smile back. I treat you with kindness. You treat me the same.  I love you. You love me back. Simple as that.

Humans are so predictable that it is only normal for them to reciprocate whatever that was given to them.

Well then. How do you define true love??

You do not find true love just by showing someone care and loving them whole heartedly. They just merely reciprocate your care for them, and ultimately disappoints your quest to seek for love that last.

Worst more, they themselves are so screwed up that they are confused too when they try to love you back, which in the end get your hopes high up, and throw you down.

Into the deep hole of abyss.

...

Boo

The Past only feels so distant to me for now,
Everything feels so different from what it use to be.
Though there were sleepless nights, shedding of tears,
and constant ache in the chest
I believe all these are what that defines me for now
and outside
I am a blooming summer,
and for once in a long time,
I'm breathing.

Between Goodbyes and Hellos...

We all came here to this place not knowing the great adventure that we're going to have together.

We were all strangers from different walks of life, we saw each other as strangers, still on guard, not open to anyone.

Little did we know that the next two years will be a magical one, and little did we know that two years down the road, everything will be changed.

Orientation 28/6/2011. The day where our path crosses.

I came, still a little Sarawak boy naive to the world, and I met bunch of you guys. And slowly we made memories, tons and tons of them. And weird enough, if you were to ask me to describe these moments one by one, I can find no words that will let you feel how precious these moments are, as these moments are more than words.

People are really right about one thing.

A-level graduation literally means nothing to me, aside from the fact that I've completed my pre-U education. We'll still be seeing each during KI, and all is well, nothing is felt, aside from the fact that we all had graduated together.

KI graduation is whole lot different. I find it hard to imagine to life at the end of KI. How is it going to be?? What is waiting after our graduation?? How is life gonna be without those people whom we had lived together and got so used to with?

Imagining is hard enough, let alone live it?

Truly it feels different when we first stepped into our respective homes, glance around, and realize that our companions are no longer there to mock us, to pull prank on us.

When we are at home will we hallucinate the laughters and noises that never dies back in KTT??

Are we still cautious of housemates' sneak attack even though they are far apart from us??

For me. When we stepped out of KTT, we all lose something that we're not going to get back most probably in a lifetime.

And most probably it'll be the time where we'll all look back at those little moments and realize its true value. And it's priceless, my dear friends.

I want to apologize because I've been busy with preparation for Hindi/Kannada/Graduation/Farewell nights, the dread of separation didn't really set in within me. Though I didn't shed a tear, but please believe me that my heart breaks each time when I see one of you in your vehicle, ready to leave the college compound, and slowly fade out of sight.

and the feeling tears me apart, from within. But sadly still, my face failed to reflect the emotions and my body failed to express it.

And just by thinking of all this, I think I'm already at lost here. All these will be gone by the time we separates and move on.

Night talks.

Friends fooling around.

Whole college community lurking in one damned abandoned lot in the evening.

Frisbee.

DOTA.

Whole Gang hanging out.

Lepak at Mamak

Funny, professionally-systematic administration

Smile on you all's faces

Fun times

Alamanda

Giant

Karaoke

Burger King

All Gone. And we might find it hard to have a rare opportunity to gather together again, with no one less, and enjoy this cherry family life again. 

But I truly believe that there'll be no real goodbyes between us

I believe that I'll spend as much time that I can spare after study to reconnect with you all, one at a time.

I believe that I'll spend my monies to visit each of you, and again relive the days when we're once called KTT-ians.

So there's no need for Goodbyes.

I'll really appreciate it if we can talk through phone, text messages, Fb chats, or even meet up in some who-knows place in India. 

I'll really appreciate it if you guys won't forget me.

I don't know who I am to you all.

But I'll really appreciate it if despite the separation and the tensed-up schedule, we can still talk like during the Good old days when we reconnect again once in a while.

I have no parting gifts, but I promise you that during later days, there'll be one night or two when you all will be crossing my mind, and I'll be missing you all. And I promise you that when there's no one to turn to, I'll be there. A simple text, or a Fb text, or a phone call, I'll be there, or i'll get back to you. 

24/5/2013
End of Our Days

Goodbyes are never easy. But we all have to move on and live on. I wish you all the best.

And I miss you.

Later days.

Sincerely,

Joshua.