Indian Farewell Memoirs. Chapter 3.



*Tape Screeches*
Yep. That's me. That's me graduating into adulthood.
You must be wondering how I came to be in this very spot now.
Well, there's a story to that.

...

It all begins with me stepping into this odd country of India. We would all wonder someday, all these Indians we see in Malaysia, how is it like in their home country? It's something we would all think and then brush off to the back of our mind. I am one of those unlucky one to come to experience India. Call it fate, call it destiny, it truly defined who I am and mother India played a part in nurturing me into who I am today.

Now, this is not an inspiring sob story that will change your outlook of life, so if you are looking for meaning of life in this post, I am sorry that you wont find what you need any further down the post. In fact, this is going to be a boring ass post if you dn personally know me. It's just a long-winded recount of my journey here in India, where I have spent 5 years of my life in.

The first thing that I felt is the immense culture shock that rocked my core. Like seriously what the F*** WHY THESE PEOPLE ACTUALLY BLATANTLY CUT MY FUDGING QUEUE (that actually happend within the first 3 hour of my adventure in India, in a KFC on the journey to my city). And, like seriously WHY MY THINGS ARE NOT RETURNING AFTER THEY BORROW FROM ME. I guess a country does have their distinct social geography, different social background, different culture, different upbringing in families, et cetera. Everything just feels fresh, new (sometimes in an annoying way), and I sort of enjoyed it at first. It's like a whole new journey is ahead of me. New life, New beginnings, and stuffs.

And after the honeymoon period comes the settling-in of the reality. It hits hard, and badly. That's when I start to realize I actually miss my family and friends back in Malaysia (not the sentimental, sob-ish kind of missing, just a nostalgic feeling).

Reality sets in when I faced hardship in dealing with the new environment,
when I try to fight an uphill battle to cope with the constant ragging, suffocation by the academic syllables
when I had my first fight with the auto driver for an excess 20rupees (RM1) fare charge.
when my friend is dying from a disease that everyone fail to diagnose during his stay in India.
when I first screw up with my study plan and have to cram 3 months worth of knowledge into a late night midnight study session the night before exam
when my car first ran out of petrol, and I totally had no idea why my car sputters constantly then died.
when I had my first clash with my oppresive lecturer, whom I cannot raise a complain against simply because she has "noble blood" running in her veins.

It was those moments that taught me that India is not as forgiving as Malaysia. Wait. scratch that. India taught me that living an adult life is not going to be as forgiving as when I am leading a cozy, semi-dependent life back in Malaysia. I knew then I am set on a self-building journey to be a responsible adult.

There are times when I thought I am gonna die of growing up too slow.
But I endured. I persevered and made it through. ( I am still alive, am I?)

Coincidentally enough (or not),  at the age of 18 we are slowing growing and each develop our own character. We all became someone with strong character and from there branches all kind of trouble. We argue, we fight, we all think we are right in our own way, denying all possibilities that other could be right too. We've grown proud, with our ego in its prime, as if we are ready to head on with whatever tantrums others might throw at us. We grew apart. We gang up. We built our own walls, surround ourselves with people that are comfortable to live with, but ironically have no reservation on offending others with our brutal honesty, our own version of truth.

We all became a villain in someone else's story.

 And from there we faced hardships, have our fair share of crying in our bed at night for some problem that doesnt matter now. And we adapt, we learn to get along, we learn to communicate better, we learn to tolerate others behaviours as we continue to grow into a person with dull edge. Though it sounds good, but what did that actually costs us?

We lost the light in our eyes in memorable moments
We lost the fire in our heart for a meaningful life.
We became numb.
We became zombies that only strives to survive, to weather whatever hardships and not fall, though our souls died in the process.

But I like to think that it is not permanent, and in the end we would find ourselves at the end of the tunnel, when we finally see the light in the end.

India is like a cradle to me like how a mother's embrace is like to a baby.
She took me in, an unpolished, rough reckless boy and waited for me to grow into a slightly better man.
I would like to think that I am the best version of myself as of now, thanks to India.

And here I am, as you can see in the picture.
I am holding the degree certificate, the key to my future,
and I am finally making it out of this chapter of my life.


And if you wonder what my feelings are now, I cant help but to feel sorry.
Because these pages aren't enough to make you understand how torn up I am to love and to hate, at the same time to leave this shithole-ish, yet beautiful place.


Indian Farewell Memoirs. Chapter 2


Still waiting for my extension postings to get over like waiting for a storm to pass.

Can I just get on to the packing part already?
I can't wait to leave this place.

...

Been talking to some friends these days. Found out that they started to love this place and find it hard to leave this home of ours for the past 5 years.

They asked me, why would I feel my time here is up?

I put some thought to it.

Do i hate India that much? No, not really, I actually think India is a pretty cool place. And how Coldplay make india look cool in their mv? Those are real, it's all true story. It exists.

I came from a family where travel abroad is a luxury we can only dream of. Dad fed the whole family single handedly and we literally only had enough to eat out once every weekend to be happy.

But I always wanted to go out there, see more of the "out there", be there in the "out there", at the same time knowing that it would never come true

Then it happened. I got a chance to travel to India to pursue my degree study.

To be clear dentistry is never my passion and never will be. But why would I let this go?

So I go for it.

And now 5 years has passed, and I am here. And I can't wait to get out of here.

There are things to not like about India, the hygiene, (some of) the people, the culture, the norm that can be a shock to those who never stepped into this developing country.

But in all honesty, I just wish to get back to my life, my life in Malaysia, where all my friends and family are. 5 years away from home is enough for me. In this 5 years I've drifted apart from my friends ( they probably thought I don't care for them anymore , which is not true, it's just the distance that makes us hard to keep in touch), missed many of my friends and family's important moments. Some of my friends left without saying goodbye. There're countless of things that I've missed out on. And I am really sorry for that.

Will write more about that.

...

Whenever I am unhappy I would look back
Into the past
Back to the time when I am truly happy
When I have things that I don't have now

But little did I realize
That I was unhappy in those days, too
And I would look for better days even in those moments

So the question now is,
Am I missing something that I never had,
Or am I just an ungrateful bastard.




Related Posts with Thumbnails