May Day. 五月天。

It had been so so so so long, memories of the past seem so vague
And now I am finally back to this sanctuary, though quite strange but this feels like home.

Like this is the only part of me that lingers on in the gushing stream of changes.

True enough, starting and keeping this blog is one of the best decision i had made in my life. Life with no place to pour out to our heart's content is simply excruciating. And after so long, exam by exam, wave by wave, and turmoil by turmoil, finally I am back to shout out, to scream to my hearts content in my barely audible whispers.

...

We all need this place where we can be close to who we truly are, a place where we are not judged nor defined by anything or anyone. 

Peter Parker needs to make a stand for justice for his uncle's wrongful death, and therefore he needs to become Spiderman.

Bruce Wayne needs to take vengeance against evil in his city that took his parents life, and therefore he needs to become Batman

We all need this.

A side no one knows of, so unfamiliar sometimes we would even forget about it ourselves when we are trying to lead a normal life.

And I need this safe haven, where I can safely recount my life, and perhaps bury my deepest thoughts here, even when the world requires me to bring the secret together into the grave.

But the world is constantly pushing in, we can never be who we truly are, leave us with no choice but to put on a mask which please everyone more.

And therefore,

Batman needs to be Bruce Wayne

Spiderman needs to be Peter Parker.

We are all rotting souls in a sound flesh.

...

When I was younger, I am a nobody to anyone.

If memory serves me well, I am just an average guy who existed around somewhere, somehow.

with below average appearance

sucky grades

annoying depositions

empty wallets

zero fame

zero popularity

and a few friends far far away from the spotlight

And no one really bothered who I am, let alone care about my existence as another person on this planet.

And now, coming a long way from then, I finally found the need to give myself a wake up call.

Friendships come at a price.

It so hard to believe that there will be a genuine friend who look passes everything about you and just care for you for who you are. A good look around would suffice.

"Friends" give you orders and expect you to obey it, as if its your obligation to them

"Friends" put up a high expectation for you to live up to, so you are worthy enough to be their friends

"Friends" put their need before you, and make sure you served the purpose of making their life better

"Friends" take for granted every care you have for them, and expect you to do even more

'Friends" wished to own you, expect you to be by their side in every turn, even though at some turns they might be wrong

I've seen the truth. I've learnt my lesson. I've cleared my mind of doubts.

I see everything.

Crystal clear view of who people really are

And its really disappointing

To think that I've once considered myself lucky for slowly climb onto the stage, under the spotlight, and found so many friends. 

Worse more, to think that everyone is genuinely caring and loving and went so far just to tell them that I can be a reliable friend

And worst of all, to naively assume that people who stayed around are meant to be friends or companions.

Its at these moments, dreams are shattered when people whom you trust the most turn around and stab you head on, with no reservations.

And all this just make me misses my olden days' friends who really do care, who shines still in the darkness.

...

Everyone is fighting for their life in their own way everyday

Everyone has their own battle with their demons within.

And I am fighting hard too

Somehow I am just glad that, maybe for once, i found my way back home. =)