Helo Darkness, my old friend

 Still doing that one post per year thingy, hey I made it back here again.

Considering what I've wrote is more on negative side, i would say this is a good thing. I was rather hoping i can close this chapter up, and perhaps lead a happier life, but life must prove me wrong again.

Hey everyone, i hope wherever you are out there, i wish you are in a better place than i am, and or perhaps i can offer some solace as i resonate with a couple of you out there who's facing the same problem.

Here Goes.

...

I start to think that we are all monsters in within. There exist an entitiy that we dont show, that harbors our real self. Now you might think, wait a minute, the real me isnt a monster?? That might be true, but the thing is, most people havent see the real you before. And when you let it show, it can be just as revolting as a real monster.

sad, right?

It can be a simple short-ended nerve that they keep plucking on, when you finally show the outburst, there you go, you became the bad guy. People can just sleep better at night if they put all the blame on one person, and consider themselves perfect.

so i became the villain in their stories, and also the one losing sleep here.

...

I have slowly come to terms with the fact that I am an unstable person.

Thanks to my childhood, and I had a tad bit worry that it runs a little in the gene. 

Despite my calm demeanor, i am constantly annoyed at different things, but more oftenly at myself.

Then i swiftly go into meltdown when the surrounding is too overwheling.

yea, i am going through a hard patch here.

But this monster is still hoping for someday, someone can see past my chaos, and embrace the hurt in me, and put me to sleep.

This dream could be beautiful, and puts a sweet smile on my face, but i guess i have got to wake up the the reality, and breath a sigh. It most probably wont happen. I might end myself one day, if i am not careful.

i forgot that surviving takes effort, that breathing needs to be controlled consciously., that theres a void in your heart that you have forgotten, still eating bits and pieces of you slowly.

...

And lastly

nice of you to slander my call of cries

as the art of manipulation

you laughed at my tears, 

and put my archiless heels to shame

thanks to you,

now i can pull myself together for a new start..

? end