Live Life. Love Life. Embrace Life.: July 2011

如梦初醒

有时真的被讲对了

每个人心里都有一个人

名字存在电话里不舍得删除
却死也不敢打给那人电话

回忆永远生长在脑海里
却死也不会再提起她

就是这样的一个人

我多么希望你现在可以看到我有多快乐
叶子，再见了.....

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other belonged to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. "LORD, Thou saidest that once I decided to follow Thee, Thou wouldest walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footrpints. I don't understand why when I needed Thee most, Thou wouldest leave me."

The LORD replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Counting From One to Infinity

I'm starting to think of ideas of redevice my whole blogspot's template.

By the look at it, it's so blue and dark, like a unknown depth of sadness and sorrow, like a deep blue ocean of secrets with melancholic waves.

It resembles the dark age of my life, the time for the past six months of my life.

Thank you Cherrybum, you're indeed the one who dragged me slowly out of this abyss. I would not forget the day when you suddenly turn out and came to me, like an answered prayer slowly working its way to me, reaching out for me.

My heart is no longer in a deep blue, it blossomed with sunshine and hope.

Thank You.

Seriously I'm thinking of changing the template. Change we need.

...

I started to think.

Say we're living in a big big community, consisting of those giving orders and those who abides to them.

okay, i'm always working the best out of me to meet everyone's need, to make sure what i've done and contribute is of everyone's best interest. If i can't give exactly what people want due to other people/affiliations' needs, i'll try my best to make up to the imperfection of it and make sure that i'll give my very very best to make amend.

I tried to give everyone the best that i can give, My friends, My family, The One I love, Club, God, Academics, and myself.

I tried.

And then i was again denied by someone who says that i'm not doing enough.

Alright, from the looks of it i really looked as if i didn't tried my best.

But do you know my predicament down deep below??

Look, i tried, really hard.

just that you doesn't know how hard i've tried.

Can you understand??

Sure you cannot.

So,

Is it my fault for not putting you to the top priority?? That i've to attend to other stuffs before you??

Or is it your fault for not understanding my situation??

你好吗？？

Clearly Undemeciated

Looks like i haven't got over you. Seriously.

Late in the night when i'm alone, you'll flick through my mind, remind me of a tragic past i once suffered in.

Thank you, a really thank you, All thanks to you, I'm am haunted by my own past.

Actually i really hate you. I hate you for leaving a scar so ugly and so deep.

Hate that i'm no longer normal like i used to be, as i changed a lot because of you.

I'm awed and utterly disappointed by the fact that i actually trying to trip myself with guilt, so that i won't be putting all the blame on you.

Was it inappropriate because i hate you too much, which result in this course of action and mentality??

I'm actually stupid enough to view your profile again. Darn it.

You'll be surprise at how much i hate you. The feeling is no longer mutual.

Maybe part of me is hating myself, because i'm too stupid.

False Colour

And again, human is an adaptive species.

When I first migrated from Bintulu and reached Kuching, I start to let people approach and get to know me. People of all sorts, coming from all walks of life appeared before me, and getting to know, and to get along is not a very easy thing. Especially when it comes to people like me, who always leave bad first impressions.

Yes, you’ve got it right, I always leave bad first impressions.

I’m the kind of weird person which people will consider me as a weirdo, with all sorts of weird actions and questions, and response; A freak of all time. I do weird and inexplicable things, out of logical understandings which leave a giant question mark to those who just got to know me, who’ve just starting to get along with me, and at the same time freaked out by my out-of-mind personalities.

There you go, a freako of all times.

College is a whole new thing for me. Hmmm…. Seniors…. They are just a year older than me, they’re somehow more knowledgeable, and somehow appear to be wiser among us. But why am I starting to act inferior infront of them?? That’s is not my nature, I feel awkward and dejected when I have to subordinate to seniors, I want to be a peer, not a younger freshie who’ve just arrived in a whole new world.

More weird peoples

More variety of personalities

More plights and predicaments

More caution and insecurity.

It’s like playing a survival game in here, you be popular, you excel, you get out of here nice and unscathed. You played a bad game, you flunked everything, you flunked your life, you’re out of this game, you’re eliminated.

Do I have to wear a false colour while I’m living in this solemn education institute?? Somehow I’m not natural, or somehow people thinks that I’m not natural. Well, settling down isn’t so easy. Guess it’s a new approach all over again for me.

Anyway, special heartfelt thank to those seniors who showed me great hospitality, who appeared to be my friend and family in times of alienation. Those who gave me a new sense of belongings, my seniors. I thank you. =)

A world of false colour isn’t so nice at all. I want True Colours.

...

当初我说过我不会想念你们的

你们太嚣张了

怎么会以为我是只会投靠你们的小鸡？？

现在我终于肯定了我自己

我可以独立了

我可以不用带着牵挂在一个异乡忧郁了

但是不要担心

我始终没有忘记

Isidar Mithrim

Dejected, disdained

That was what I am before you found me

Then you came

Gentle and full of compassion

You always understand

You fathomed my thoughts and gushing feelings

You bent to me and hear me out

You lifted my sorrow

You alleviated my desperation

You calmed my bleeding heart

You kissed away my tears

You became something for me so Dear.

“I Understands” is always what you say

You seemed to be the missing piece

That fits my heart perfectly

Your laughter, your words

Are a remedy that cured my forlorn hollow soul

You’re rare

You’re special

You’re genuine

You seem to know me perfectly well

As if I am you and you are me

Yes yes,

We’re very much different

but yet so much alike.

You

My heart-lifting Cherrybum

You’re the star

Draping beside the luminous Moon

Bring warmth in the cold of the night

You’re the shiny Sun

Making the morning wakes

Singing a cherry rhythm for a pristine day.

Come come,

Let the stars strike up the band

Breezes croons

Lets witness the solstice slash across the abandon darkness

Sing aloud

For your soothing voice is my melodrama

Its vanishing brings out my pure melancholy

As you can see

You have been my abiding sanctuary

My true peace

Let you not be gone

For you’re my Isidar Mithrim

A scarlet soul shining so brightly

Crimson Beauty

Burgundy Passion

Embrace me with your presence

My Isidar Mithrim

Edviano

A new term for the day : Edviano.

I love my family

The new family tat recently moved in together and occupied Taman Kenanga House 29.

J.J. Hao Phin. Cheng Yi. Ji Hui. Sean. Masrie. Kar Joon. and me.

Though living in a dilapitated house with a naughty cat which ruined my slipper,
BUt still worth it lar......

A family which shared everything together. sadness. happiness. sorrow.

When the authorial direct order that we move and be separated to move into other houses, i can't believe that everyone is willing to fight to stay together, though all the while i'm thinking that moving away is inevitable.

Touching moments, we all meet the warden as a house, all of us.
everyone struggle really hard in order to stay together.