人生几何

Psychological Facts: 

When you dreamt of someone in your dream, that person in real life is actually missing you.

                When I come across this fact, I am almost being tricked into believe that this whatever crappy-facts are true. Indeed, it’s not TRUE, thanks for those people who make FBs a way to spread fake infos. Anyway, I am wondering how stupid or crazy I have been by testing out this theory by experimenting on this theory, which I later found out, not true at all.

…

有多久了？？

有多久没有用华语写部落格了？？

想想也有许久了吧

每次用华语都觉得有种莫名的畅流感
直至就像流水一样流了出来
说有的心情，思想就出来了
用华语，真好。

（看不懂华语的朋友们，抱歉了。）

不知怎的，
有些事情久了，会麻木的
就像在这里一样
读书，吃，睡，上课，读书，吃，睡
读书，吃，睡，上课，读书，吃，睡
读书，吃，睡，上课，读书，吃，睡
读书，吃，睡，上课，读书，吃，睡
玩
读书，吃，睡，上课，读书，吃，睡
读书，吃，睡，上课，读书，吃，睡
读书，吃，睡，上课，读书，吃，睡
。。。
。。。
。。。
。。。

忘了人生所有点点滴滴的乐趣
路边的一朵小花
迷人的晨霞
甲的回眸一笑
乙突如其来的一个冷笑话
与丙的一席谈
都看来当什么了？？
看来我，
不
我们都麻木了

麻木在争夺当第一的世界里
麻木在当万人迷的世界里
麻木在人，事，物惨杂的漩涡里
麻木了
忙了
茫了
盲了

回头一看，
多少东西我们希望可以重头来过
多少对话我们希望从没有发生过
多少时光我们希望可以永留
多少人
我们希望可以在他的生命里留下一些痕迹
但是迟了
没机会了

回头一看，
发现人生就像没笔擦的写作一样，
写错了
就迟了
回头？？
不可能。
只好继续写下去
写写写写写写写写。。
写到那张纸的尽头。
看到写错的
还可以补救吗？？
不能。
纸上的对对错错既是人生。

朋友问：“为什么不回家？？”
我不懂要给什么答案。
我想，
被绑久了，一飞就要冲天
绑得越紧，
肌肉就越发达
飞得就越高
我记得我曾经这样说过，

现在，

我正在翱翔。

Sadistic

Whatsup peeps!!! It’s Deepavali!!

In the occasion of this holiday our class, like most of other classes did, persuaded teachers to cancel our classes for the week so that we can enjoy the one week holiday and perhaps go home for some of us who’s suffering from dreading homesick. And voila, we got ourselves a one-week holiday.

However, to some lost cause we lose it all.

Of all the teachers, only our IELTS (one of the language subject) teacher is not convinced with the whole class-cancelling thing and insist that we attend her class, which most of the student refuse to oblige. Then the whole disaster begins.

So this particular teacher bring the whole matter up to the teacher’s meeting and humiliated our teacher for that, for showing compassion and letting us to have break in the midst of pact studying schedule (even if we have classes the lecturer will just keep on have their class cancelled, I don’t know, college culture??). And so our teacher told us that the class had to go on as usual, while other classes can have their breaks.

And I’ve learnt to spell the word “Sadistic”.

…

She. I really can’t figure out what’s with her. At times she’s good and at times she’s bad, or worse, or worst. I’m really scared to reach out for her, fearing that I will get “scolded” for talking to her. I wonder, what’s in her mind and what’s bothering her all the while.

What are you thinking?? All those times when you sit alone there, as of thinking about life and get depressed over it, feeling as if you can go through it alone. Do you need help?? Do you need a ear?? You emo-ing really freaks me out, seriously, do you need someone to be there for you??

But, one thing I know that she’s one special kind made by God to magnify his name. And he’s going to have some plans for her, just a matter of time.

I couldn’t tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
I couldn’t help her
I just watch her make the same mistake again

What’s wrong, What’s wrong now??
Too many, too many problem??
Don’t know where she belongs
Where she belongs.

Duh

All my life I taught myself that everyone is different, each with a delicate profile of characteristics, a one of a kind being. All the while when I’m dealing with all sorts of people, I keep on remind myself that people have their own styles and uniqueness, and we should not deny their existence as a different being. For me, that’s what makes people different, that’s what makes the world “different”. Not just being different, but literally different, in the sense of everyone is unique in their way.

                God made everyone not the same. You knew from the starting of your life you’re going through meiosis, your genes, chromosomes which determines your traits are varied from time to time so that it is guaranteed a new, different organism will be born. As the result, we became homo sapiens with difference, different phenotype or genotype, or even both, different character and attitude. There would not be another me in a one per Gazillion possibility. I feel great for that, that we’re very different afterall, and that I can always be who I am, different from everybody.

                Yes, I admit that I’m loud, talkative, non-stopping, and at times hilarious and lame but at the same time funny in some monotony sense. I also seriously consider the fact that I possess the most unique mode of thinking of all, and none of the normal earthlings shall ever have the same mind as me. Yes, I think of things that other people will never think of. I read people. I read minds. I usually try to manipulate minds using words and facial expressions. I analyze people and their reaction in other to get what they are thinking, and break down their mental defense. Yes, sometimes I’m sarcastic. Sometimes I’m solemn and cold. Sometimes I act not-normal in the eyes of you all (people who thinks I’m weird). And sometimes I say things which people will never understand.

                I never ever treated my difference with most of the people as something that I should be shame of, something that I should hide up and adapt to the normal community. Yes, I realize that keeping such authenticity will cause me a great deal of difficulty to be close to people, yes I’m well aware of that. But I chose to keep what makes me special of all, being me.

                “I cannot make changes according to what you want in order to get this job. I am Sorry. You keep your job, I will keep my attitude.”

~Raju Rastogi~

One thing however, I hate it when people denies my own personality, as if I cannot be who I am supposed to be. Though I maybe weird, but don’t you think you should pay me the same respect as a different person as I have respected you?? I accept the fact that you’re different from me and I may not appreciate how you behave, and I tolerated. Then, can you do the same for me, as a repay of my respect?? It’s not only me who needs to say “It’s okay”, you too. 

Yes, say what you want, an act to cover my own weakness or my reluctance to turn from evil, you’re at your liberty. But I am going to stay the same, you keep your comments, and I’ll keep my attitudes.

...

可能我的疯狂暂时不得到原谅
可是我知道啊
可是我明白啊
是我的执着博来在你面前歌唱
唱出我的梦想
唱出
我的

荒

唐

A night of tears and reunion

He sat there quietly, phone in his hands.

Occasionally he would respond to the flickering light of the handphone, Short Messages Service, I guess, and start typing away on the shiny white keypad, as it reflected the light from the bus window.

He’s still silent and I wonder why.  And I wonder why he keeps looking out into the window which have no fascinating view, only shrubs and bushes, as if he’s hiding his face from me, or just anybody. And the weirdest of all is, he doesn’t even talk, or make sounds as he is capable of. I mean, he always talk and talk and talk and talk and practically won’t stop, and he’s usually the non-emo cherry guy. Why wasn’t him talking?? Something bothering him on the phone?? The phone vibrated again, another message.

As I try to look for signs and to make some sense of what’s going on, he suddenly turned to me and said, “it’s damn hot right now”. I almost gasped as I saw something dangling at the edge of his eyes, something crystalline, tears. He barely met my eye and turned back, staring out into the window again, silently. I regained my breath and wondered. Why is he tearing up on a trip to a grand dinner, something to do with the messages on that phone?? What’s up, what’s going on?? The phone vibrated again, he checked the message and quickly turned away towards the window. I manage to make out some words from the phone screen, certainly knowing that violating other people’s privacy is really not good, but dude, this is my friend here and I got every right to get to know what’s wrong with him.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry….”

What was sorry, and who was sorry?? I suddenly became clueless of what had happened. But I know, I understand the feeling of holding tears, of forcing oneself not to cry. Looking at him is a clear omen that he’s totally not okay. But he didn’t say anything, still looking out onto the window. I wonder if he is hiding his tear-drenched face from everyone?? This is certainly not a good time to feel like this, now we’re on our way to the dinner for Sarawakians at the Putra World Trade center, and I don’t know how can I help my dear friend there, I think I can hear him scream.

Help me. I want to cry. I am not okay.

...

So we have this Dinner for sarawakians sponsored by our beloved CM, Taib Mahmud @ the Putra World Trade Center. Did i hear they greet him as " Yang Amat Berbohong" instead of "Yang Amat Berhormat"??

They said KTT people are freshly from the jungles, so i guess we must have been really excited to be invited to such occasion. Well, fresh from oven!!! Jungleman!

They even set the tables up till the entrance

Unique structure made from papers... or transparent papers

Well, anyway, we managed to pass our times by looking at some of the artwork displayed at the gallery :

Does this look familiar to you all?? I bet you can find some of the ex-PM faces in the pics. Go figure..

And some of the "interesting" pics available on the occasion :

Oh ya, that dude is actually my classmate....

Fascinated by the 3D structure of the building

And well, since the CM is sponsoring us for dinner so i expect it to be really grand and luxurious since he's the *erkhem* richest guy in the world *erkhem* but who knows?? things are not as it looks.

Wait a minute, is that NAsi Putih in the Menu!!?? O.o

All the waiter here looks like PATI , i wonder if that's one of the strategy to cut cost??

Well, it's a great feeling to know that our own states' flag is flying all over the hall. Awesome.

In case you don't know who this is, This is Taib. =) Say HI

I don't know who this is, only knowing that she's from AKADEMI FANTASIA. and that dude on the left is soft...


Friends Reunion
and we come together to reunion.

AND SPECIALLY FEATURING.....

The guy who got over prouded because he shook Taibs hand... ==

Paranoicidal

Studying isn’t a really good thing actually, the more you study, the more you got stuck in it actually. That’s what happened to me, infact I think most of the people lately. I’ve now reach the state of inactivity where I don’t know what actually to study, not to say that actually I’m awesome or what, but I’ve read through what the teacher had covered so far and I felt bored everytime I flipped open the chapters which the teacher had taught.

I think it’s time for me to pick up the past years and start reading. I think it’s time for a breakthrough out of the textbooks.

…

Great Separation. Day Two.

Try imagine a situation when you can’t spend time with your dear old friend. Some ordeal. Some obstacles. Some situations. Necessary sacrifice had to be made. A dear friend. It feels really frustrating when you can no longer spend your time with your friend at will and be close to them, just because of some unwanted problems. It’s exhausting when you can no longer do what you usually do to gain closeness with friend, and at the same time you’re not adapting because it had become part of your routine already, to put it in a more serious term, part of your life.

Sad as it may be, the only thing that you can do is to submit into your destiny.

And oh ya, you are told to wait, and waiting will be what you’ll be doing.

p.s. Will upload some colourful stories soon, I guess these psychotic analogy will kill of the readers soon…

Sad case

Before

After

Yes, you guys had certainly got it right, at least to those of you who are not dumb, I had a haircut. =) From the look of it you can see that the length is shortened for a great deal, that I would no longer call it “hair” instead I’ll call it “short hair”. Weird isn’t it?? Try imagining the whole class consisting of 27 classmates laughed in unison as you stepped into the class with the new Mohawk hairstyle. How drastic that change could be?? I feel so naked in the flaky air.

Hmm…

Just you wait. Wait till it gets long and nice.

…

Please tell me what you think about melodramas.

It’s actually soap opera that contain lots of emo-scenes and emotional lines and bla bla bla, mostly circling around love, friendship, and family themes. Sometimes you could  just indulge in it but sometimes you’ll just get sick and can’t bare the story line that you would want to slam the TV shut. In a nutshell, most of us think that these stories are just “fictional, and anything similar will just be merely coincidental”. But hey, I found one.

Say there’s this girl who loved you deeply, and is really your type, and she would do anything to be with you. It sounded like a perfect ending right, story is just about to start. Sadly, you’re the one who doesn’t appreciate her love and always complaint her for her imperfection, though small, but imperfections. She got disappointed occasionally but still keep up to her love vow, and yet you still complaint and made her days more and more miserable, not realizing that what you’re doing is going to cause ordeal in the future, and worsemore the wakeup call is still far away.

Will it be too late??

Will all the mistakes be forgiven??

Kinda emo is it?? This is that I called “real-life melodrama”. At least I say it’s a lot better than sitcoms where you can hear idiots laughing when you’re trying to focus on what the characters trying to say.

But, I really hope the boy will come to his senses soon and start to treat the one who care for him. Or else, he won’t be forgiving himself when everything is too late. Sure, it’s time to change for him.

…

Whenever I imagined myself to be happy
In a lovely landscape sketch,
I will
find
YOU
and me
together
In the beautiful picture.

久违了

 

久违了

失望

是多么就没有感受到了

多么的深刻

多么的刻骨铭心

就一次

从此被你改观

你

和你

让我失望了

你们还敢称自己是基督徒？？

背着人作这种东西？？

你们还管天上的哪一位天父吗？？

你们破坏的

不只是与神的关系

还有其他关心你的人

甚至是我的关系

对不住

你们太让我失望了

 ...

The syndrome drew on, somehow I realize that it intensifies from the time I realize that it is corroding me, bits by bits. I’m astonished myself at how I view people these days. No, I am not exaggerating. I’m just so shocked that I changed a lot after coming into this education institute.

Is it selective Mutation??

Is it adaptation to the surrounding to ensure survival??

Now I start to read people more and more, their gestures,their emotions, their reactions, even a flick of eye, or a roll of the iris is not missed. What caused this much details?? Do they actually matter?? Or am I making myself crazy slowly?? Deep down in my heart, I think I know that everyone is facing the same trouble too, to find a ground to stand on in this place. To be recognized, to be acknowledged their humble existence. Everyone craves to be somebody, not a nobody. 

Not to be just some Joshua, but THE JOSHUA.

Is this some psyche theory?? I wonder.

...

Every second lapsed by is another moment of me missing you

Every drops from the sky is a pounding wish to see you

Every chirp of bird you hear is a melody I sang for you

About our story

About you

About me

About you and me