"Nothing we can't make it through together"
Is there anything that we can't make it through together?? You use to tell me yes. As a matter of fact, you're the one who convince me that we can solve every problem, as long as we're together.
Now, has it become merely empty promise??
Is it a stupid joke somehow???
In fact, you're the one that makes me believe that i live in a fairy tale, that happy ending is everyone's ending. That as long as i be the good guy, we'll prosper in the end, like those prince and princess in their lovable stories. In the present, reality taught us a lesson, hitting me hard. Honestly, i keep on thinking what i've been lacking. What is it that lacks within me that you've decide to give up??
April Fool's day is coming really soon.... are you pulling prank on me?? Is everything so far a lame joke?? Will i get everything back on 1st of April??
It's really hard to see someone who cares for you change slowly to someone who doesn't even care. Hurts as much as dying as you became solemn and mean as reality slowly changes you. How?? more friends?? Less solitary life?? got bored for one who deeply cares for you though in a boring way?? change of heart??
You're no longer you. You've changed. And i am the one remaining the same, remaining as one who loves you.
Is this the cruelty of the world??? Have a feeling that fate and destiny played me. Am i the good guy getting the bad karma?? or the other way around?? Is there right or wrong in this?? Am i wrong?? Are you wrong?? Are we both wrong??
And the thing that saddens me the most is that it seemed so easy for you to let go, and yet i can hardly let go...
I'm still not ready to move on..........
Now, has it become merely empty promise??
Is it a stupid joke somehow???
In fact, you're the one that makes me believe that i live in a fairy tale, that happy ending is everyone's ending. That as long as i be the good guy, we'll prosper in the end, like those prince and princess in their lovable stories. In the present, reality taught us a lesson, hitting me hard. Honestly, i keep on thinking what i've been lacking. What is it that lacks within me that you've decide to give up??
April Fool's day is coming really soon.... are you pulling prank on me?? Is everything so far a lame joke?? Will i get everything back on 1st of April??
It's really hard to see someone who cares for you change slowly to someone who doesn't even care. Hurts as much as dying as you became solemn and mean as reality slowly changes you. How?? more friends?? Less solitary life?? got bored for one who deeply cares for you though in a boring way?? change of heart??
You're no longer you. You've changed. And i am the one remaining the same, remaining as one who loves you.
Is this the cruelty of the world??? Have a feeling that fate and destiny played me. Am i the good guy getting the bad karma?? or the other way around?? Is there right or wrong in this?? Am i wrong?? Are you wrong?? Are we both wrong??
And the thing that saddens me the most is that it seemed so easy for you to let go, and yet i can hardly let go...
I'm still not ready to move on..........
Humour Me.
There's this saying that sounds "When you get something, you'll lose something." It's probably true i guess?? Does that mean getting excellent result for SPM but failing driving test analogous to the saying?? Never imagine i'll fail the driving exam though, something unexpected happened despite i did everything well....
Getting good result is a good thing??
I'm feeling numb for getting the result, is it because i've been giving myself an expectation so high that i'm not satisfied when i got this "Great result"?? Perhaps it's just human nature that we'll always look at those people who get better result than us no matter how GOOD RESULT we get.
And got rejected somemore, i mean, what the Hell if you can be blame for doing something Good?? WHAT THE FISH!!!! Sigh. Getting Good result + Failing Driving test + got rejected = Bad Day. Still it isn't something Good. sigh. Bad Day...
Anesthetic, Anyone??
Peculiar. Strange. It's something that everyone doesn't want to face, or even come to know about it. The last time. When it comes to people, we may often think. Is this the last of him?? Will we meet again?? Will our life clash again together?? Something for thought, we'll never know when our last time is. Maybe you've just fight with your mortal enemy, beware, this isn't the last of him/her. Maybe you are with your lover now, beware, this is maybe the last time you guys get together. I'm pretty disturbed by the fact that reality always pull tricks on people who thinks that they're controlling the situation. You think you might remain, but sadly, you might be the first one leaving. You got the sense of it??
What i want you to see is, the cruelty of this dejected world. Which time will be your last time??? I bet uncertainty bested all of us. Just like the song says, " Years make everything alright". Everything passes by as time passses. Nothing is last time, it's just merely the perception of human, the mentality of rendering a happening/experience as a different encounter unlike anything else.
Speaking of the last time, Tomorrow will be the last time form 5 secondary students of the previous year gather in our former school and receive our results, reaping what we sow the previous year. Will the outcome be good?? Many people doubt it, even the best among us whinned about his "birthday hex" that he's going to face the worst lucky of his life.
To tell everyone honestly, i'm afraid of my own result too, i fear that the result that i get is not up to my expectation, not sufficient for me to pursue my dream career : dentist. What if my result won't fit the criteria of becoming a dentist?? What if my result sucked like hell?? Currently worrying for someone too, wish her all the best for her result.
And no, all those "hey, you can do well.", "wow, I bet you're going to get straight As!!" comfort isn't really comforting. Dude, what if the reality prove otherwise?? Those who are not helping are really scattering.
Friends, now i value your encouragement above all else.
Love ones, now your prayer for me is all i want.
Blown Away.
Been to my church camp these days and come back empowered, more than ever. Thing happens in a way that it blows my mind away, I never thought i'll ever have an opportunity like this to go through everything like this.
By starting with the night-before-the-actual camp:
Kampua mee cooked by me. Pax : 10 person.
Though the noodles are finished, everyone seem hungry enough to crave for more and more and more noodles till the whole ricepot-full of noodles is gone. Anyway, the clean up process is excruciating.
My dear advisor, Why are you so lonely??
Erm.... (translation : PRESS ME, your little hands will be clean.)
Awestruck by the big-size of the banana.
A friend wear the same shirt as mine. Took a couple photo, unexpectedly the scratched lens blurred the face of her. She demanded another shot but then....
Mine was blurred this time....
Monkey see, monkey do.
Singing to the rain. Take note that there're rumours spreading around that the rain these days are full of radioactive particles.
Girls sure do a great artwork. =D Treasure of the camp.
Never thought there'll be people sleeping even soon after the camp ends.... What the Hell??
Finally, all camp members come to a point that everyone's life is changed. Big change. Honestly committees didn't expected a big impact like this. It's so beautiful. It's so wonderful. You can pray for things to change and it happen, it's a wonder. But if you pray for a life to change and it happens, it's a miracle. I was totally blown away by God's mighty power by witnessing this big change, which makes me furthermore resistant to what that will cause to stray away.
By starting with the night-before-the-actual camp:
Kampua mee cooked by me. Pax : 10 person.
Though the noodles are finished, everyone seem hungry enough to crave for more and more and more noodles till the whole ricepot-full of noodles is gone. Anyway, the clean up process is excruciating.
My dear advisor, Why are you so lonely??
Erm.... (translation : PRESS ME, your little hands will be clean.)
Awestruck by the big-size of the banana.
A friend wear the same shirt as mine. Took a couple photo, unexpectedly the scratched lens blurred the face of her. She demanded another shot but then....
Mine was blurred this time....
Monkey see, monkey do.
Singing to the rain. Take note that there're rumours spreading around that the rain these days are full of radioactive particles.
Girls sure do a great artwork. =D Treasure of the camp.
Never thought there'll be people sleeping even soon after the camp ends.... What the Hell??
Finally, all camp members come to a point that everyone's life is changed. Big change. Honestly committees didn't expected a big impact like this. It's so beautiful. It's so wonderful. You can pray for things to change and it happen, it's a wonder. But if you pray for a life to change and it happens, it's a miracle. I was totally blown away by God's mighty power by witnessing this big change, which makes me furthermore resistant to what that will cause to stray away.
Lord, i thank you for answering my prayer that you change lives of our youth's member and bring them blessings they can never imagine. I pray that their life is constantly abundantly blessed by you and that they will not stray away from your Holy way. Thanks for bringing change to committees that we're in one heart and soul. We Thank you for your mighty power. Glory and Praises to you. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.
Just a Thought.
Youth Sunday just ended and i wonder if i'll still have another chance to join it the next time as a youth. With the current age of 18, the huge age gap that formed between me and the freshmen is giving me more and more difficulty in developing a more effective communication. Suddenly i feel so old and so grown, that i no longer feel the sense of belonging in this youth, though every past memories warmed my heart from time to time. The truth is, my mind told me, "it's time to move on."
I honestly have no idea why am i so easily frustrated with those little kids' naughty attributes whilst i behaved like one of them in the past, when i was of their age. Is it hormonal problem?? Or some self-retaliating system that indirectly release anger on my past bahaviours??
Suddenly feel so guilty for my use-to-be youth's seniors.... I was very naughty in the past, and rebellious in the sense that i must have made you guys angry like how these little brats angers me today. I'm sorry, but i guess it's just stage of growth when we need to put "anger management" into practice. Cheers. =)
And i was surprise, if not impress by my own expressions these days. My friend actually told me, "whoa, Joshua. Chill. This is not you. You look really angry." Was it some failure in managing my emotions? NO. Was it that i'm turning to be mean? NO. I think i finally know the way to express my feelings, letting everyone else knowing that i'm in such a mood. And mind you, I get angry for a reason, unlike some emotional dude/dudes that gets frustrated for no apparent reason.
And there i came out with a quote, by my self.
There are two ways you can use to sense that growth is occuring : One, that your body is growing physically/pschologically. Two, that everyone else around you is growing.I mean, when others around you grow, you might as well realise that time flies, and that you've used up a great deal of time.
Anyway, i seriously doubt that i'll be performing in the youth sunday the next year. This year alone has left enough memories for me savour.
Sonic Shock Calamities
Year 2008 ,the 2008 Sichuan earthquake or the Great Sichuan Earthquake was a deadly earthquake that measured at 8.0 Ms and 7.9 Mw occurred at 14:28:01.42 CST (02:28:01.42 EDT) on May 12, 2008 in Sichuan province of China and killed at least 68,000 people.The epicenter was in Wenchuan County, Ngawa Tibetan and Qiang Autonomous Prefecture, 80 km west/northwest of the provincial capital city of Chengdu, with its main tremor occurring at 14:28:01.42 CST (06:28:01.42 UTC),on Monday May 12, 2008 lasting for around 2 minutes, in the quake almost 80% of buildings were destroyed.
Year 2011, the 2011 Sendai earthquake and tsunami (東北地方太平洋沖地震 Tōhoku Chihō Taiheiyō-oki Jishin, literally "Tōhoku region Pacific Ocean offshore earthquake") was an 8.9 to 9.1-magnitude megathrust earthquake that created tsunami waves of up to 10 meters (33 ft). It was measured at 7 on the Japan Meteorological Agency seismic intensity scale in the northern Miyagi Prefecture, Japan. The earthquake focus was reported to be off the Oshika Peninsula, the east coast of Tōhoku on 11 March 2011, at 05:46 UTC (14:46 local time) at a depth of 24.4 kilometers (15.2 mi). News reports by Tokyo Broadcasting System (TBS) indicate that 400 people have died and another 700+ are missing in six different prefectures[3][4].[9][10]
Year 2004, the Indian Ocean earthquake was an undersea megathrust earthquake that occurred at 00:58:53 UTC on Sunday, December 26, 2004, with an epicentre off the west coast of Sumatra, Indonesia. The quake itself is known by the scientific community as the Sumatra-Andaman earthquake.[3][4] The resulting tsunami is given various names, including the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, Asian Tsunami, Indonesian Tsunami, and Boxing Day Tsunami. With a magnitude of between 9.1 and 9.3, it is the third largest earthquake ever recorded on a seismograph. This earthquake had the longest duration of faulting ever observed, between 8.3 and 10 minutes. It caused the entire planet to vibrate as much as 1 cm (0.4 inches) and triggered other earthquakes as far away as Alaska. Its hypocenter was between Simeulue and mainland Indonesia.
The 2011 Christchurch earthquake (also known as the 2011 Canterbury earthquake and the Lyttelton earthquake) was a 6.3-magnitude earthquake[1] that struck the Canterbury region in New Zealand's South Island at 12:51 pm on 22 February 2011 local time (23:51 21 February UTC), causing widespread damage and multiple fatalities. The earthquake was centred 2 kilometres (1.2 mi) west of the town of Lyttelton, and 10 kilometres (6 mi) south-east of the centre of Christchurch, New Zealand's second-most populous city. It followed nearly six months after the 7.1 magnitude 2010 Canterbury earthquake that caused significant damage to the region but no direct fatalities.
In a glimpse, we have witness these deadly catastrophic disaster in a short term of 10 years time. Try review, are there any disaster worse than this happening in the past?? No i guess, and my guess is that these happenings of major disasters are picking up its pace, happening more and more frequent and in a bigger intensity.
Now the problem is, when is our turn??
The end of times is coming really soon.
Trust Issues
Trust. Something that you can never seek and take for granted. When people trust you, they do it willingly, not because that you're trusthworthy, not because you're an adorable being that deserved to be trusted, not even because you're honest.
People believe you out of love and trust.
People believe you because they're willing to do so, no need you to ask.
People believe because they choose to do so.
People believe you because they feel secure by trusting you.
But have you ever thought how much a person's trust cost?? Depends. Maybe you're the one who treasures people's trust in you so much that you would want to maintain this time till no time ; or you may be the kind of take-everything-for-granted scum that played with trust people have with you, not appreciating it, and shatter it with lies and betrayals.
To the world's irony, most people doesn't value people's trust until they lost it. It's a despairing irony that you're willing to juggle with all these fragile trust and cry over it when all these trust are shattered, dying away. It's always too late when you realize that nobody trust you anymore.
Are you willing to believe when a person tell you that "i always trust you" ?? what are you going to do about it?? Let him continue to trust you?? Or what??
Please bear in mind, that trust grows with time. Trust takes time to build but shattered in a brief moment. Broken trust takes more time and harder to rebuild. So, please don't make fun of other's trust in you.
"Now what if someone tells you that he can't believed?? He's so sincere and honest that he told you that he might betray you. Can you still trust him since he's so honest with you in this?? Or should you just let go, take back all the trust??"
Wondering,
B.J.A
P.S. Having stinging sensation while trying to breath in through nose, symptom have been relaying for days. Grandma warned me long ago that grandpa used to have the same symptom and in the end he had Nasal cancer. Haven't made up my mind to bring up this problem to a medical professional.
Gone, Come and Gone again.
So here i am, waiting in a confined chamber for a plane to board and to leave this place where it had trapped me for 8 days. Luckily i can say, the time passed as fast as a blink of an eye. Never realize the end of my independent life to comes so quickly.
Passerbys come and go, giving a glaring look at me. what?? what does a young man with a laptop can be?? a terrorists trying to bring a aitport down?? i'm glad i'm finally back home.
Upon departure, the senile spesies and i come to a thruce and cleared whatever misunderstandings that can damage our future get-alongs. We came to an consensus that being bossy or demamnding is a trait we get as we grow old. Makes me wonder if i will be like her when i'm 76 years old. Guess i won't see her for a long while now?? ha.....
What surprises me in the airport is, as everyone make it through the full-body scan done manually by the guards, the guard actually spared me from it. Sigh. Did i not fill the bill of becoming a potential terrrorist?? I guess it can be know by checking what i put on a tray to be scanned aside from my luggage. A bar of chocolate, a lollipop, my phone and my wallet. =)
safe trip.
p.s. never know houseflies lives in airport too. I thought they fly in houses.
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