Adieu

31/12/2011

Look at me

And Watch me

Witness how I fall

How I fell into great despair

How I overcome the devastating ordeal

How I come back again anew

How redefinition change the direction of my life.

Yes, indeed another year is coming to an end. Years feel like months, months feel like days, days feel like hours, hours feel like minutes, and minutes feel like just seconds of our short misery life. So how am I feeling?? Great?? Sorrowful?? Full of guilt??

无奈

绝望

忙茫盲

重新振作

一切的一切

感恩

Year 2011 can be considered as one of the hardest year that I have being through in my currently still-short 18-year-old life. So, what’s so tough and tougher than the SPM exam?? Well, I was devastated by something that happened during month January, completely falling into the pit of darkest hour of my life. It was hard, heart-breaking, as the betrayal sinks in one’s life and takes all that one believes, all that one hope for, all dreams, and all faith away, leaving a thin husk with emotions and thoughts. I lived like a dry shell for months, though God sustained me from time to time through different people, and different songs, and different circumstances, renewed my life and encourage me to put more faith in HIM in guiding my life. I understand that everything is a F-M-L kind of stuff and we’ve got every right to complain about God’s Guidance and the role he played in our life. Even I complained, and there’s no wrong in doing that.

But why complain

 when you know that everything that happened

is a delicate piece of jigsaw puzzle

that makes up a perfect picture??

Again, I was reminded not to challenge God’s authority no matter what happens. And that God is willing to hear our feeble cries when all hopes seems lost.

“He will not break a bruised reed or extinguished a smoldering wick, until he brings justice to victory”

Matthew 12:20

How miracle works??

Miracle is a phenomenon or circumstance where it clear exemplifies genuine provocation or violation of the natural law.

What is a miracle? 
What is a miracle? It is when the impossible happens. 
It’s when doctors have given up on a sick child and for no scientific reason, that child gets well. 
It’s when you’re down to your last dollar, have piles of bills to be paid, and a check arrives in the mail from some unknown source. 
It’s when a hurricane comes through a town and your house is left standing with desolation all around it. 
It’s when a child is born and you can’t believe how exquisitely miniature this new life appears. 
It’s when you’ve prayed for a specific purpose and that prayer is answered. 
It’s when there is no earthly reason something wonderful has happened. 
Miracles take place everyday. Sometimes they’re very subtle and quiet, sweeping in like a touch on the face. Other times, it’s very evident and public. It doesn’t matter who you are, miracles can happen to anyone. 

Miracle happens when you least expect it to. For me, Lord’s work is never more clear and evident when He sent someone else better and ideal to fit me, to provide me with new strength in facing the sadistic, materialistic life. There he come into intervention, filling in the gap that was once empty, mending the broken heart that was once whole, and bring meaning into an empty. This sister, I dare say had clearly portrayed God’s Agape unconditional love. And for that, I thanked her. It’s like the sweet dew rained down in the Indian summer.

And at the start of month August, I flipped my life into a new living chapter of college life, where independent living, separation from families are all related under the same catergory. Now, after a separation of 6 months, only then I know how hard it is to face the absence of a couple of extra hands to hold you and back you up when all you need is just a shoulder to lie on, and how lonely it is when you opened your phonebook, scrolled the whole list, and found no one that you can actually talk to. But that’s when maturation takes places. I firmly believe that everyone has their own fear and doubts, and their own cravings and attitudes, and mentality, and these are the times when we all face seasoning and molding of hard circumstances, which gradually have an awesome impact on our life and bring metamorphosis into our life.

Redefinition

The end of 2011 and the start of 2012, how am I going to live the coming year?? NO matter how I would live it, I know for sure that pain will follow with sweetness, and joy will come with bitterness. All elements of life, all variety of emotions floods in and form a stable a compound, isn’t that what life is??

Last Christmas i gave you my heart

(please stop the music on the right hand side bar before you start this. =))

The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything alright
You fall on me for anything you like
And I no I don't mind

As this song loomed inside my head, I finally realize that i had totally got over you. The last time, yes, the last time i may have fall for you hard, but this time, i feel all better and all new and i really hope that i can make amends to what you felt and your regrets, but too bad we didn’t work out that way anymore.

Maybe the Last Christmas  i maybe so crazy of you and fancy of you that i lost myself, but now no more. You’re just a tiny speck existing in my mind. A piece of memory which i am unwilling to conjure, a scale of reminiscence which i would never bring up to torture myself, and a small miniscule of the total volume of the heart that was still healing.

But the little piece though small,

You have influenced me,

Changed my life,

And though tiny,

You’ve brought huge difference between where we both are now.

Solitary Mimbletonia,

Merry Christmas.

I will never forget you as a person who matures me

Who showed me how wrong i was

Who endured all the way but in the end giving up

Who never gave me a second chance to be better

I still miss you, My friend.

Cherrybum,

Merry Christmas.

Thanks for being a so awesome friend and the best Christmas present ever

Thanks for being the one

Who showed me love never ceased to exist

Who taught me never to give up when all seemed so hopeless

Who portrayed love perfectly.

Thank you, My friend.

...

Christmas in KTT is never good

Never okay in fact.

Missed celebrating it in Sg Maong Methodist Church

A place where i belong

Youth

Church

Sounds and Wounds

I never thought this kind of person will exist in this place.

The kind of person that actually wished to show off everything he had infront of everyone else, trying really hard to convince people around him that he’s the most charming and adorable dude in the world. I was totally devastated, heart screaming “WTH!!!!” when he come to me and wished that he wants to be put somewhere prominent during the celebration. I mean, OMIGOODNESS!!!! -Isn’t it very very obvious what are you trying to do?? What do you want ?? Want the whole world to know about you??

I’m not mad. I’m not even angry. Just that I pitied you for you defined your own value with your TALENTS and WHAT YOU CAN DO. Well, what can I say?? Just be yourself please??

But, I won’t forget to reflect on myself.

Am I Like that too??
Am I craving attention from all like you??

Well, sometimes we all do

So lost in this materialistic world that we can only build our identity on what we can do, but not what we really are…

That’s what I call sadistic.

…

Stress is building up at an exponential rate.

The Elastic limit is reaching it’s breaking point.

Christmas

KTT 15^th year anniversary

Chinese New Year

More organizing works

More Activities

More studies

But less time.

 

HOW?? HOW?? HOW??

Looking at friend studying looked at myself again, full of works at hand. Sometimes I can’t help but to complain and just wished that I can be like them too, study study study study, and that all can I do is just study. But thinking back again, I mean, how many people can live a life as interesting as mine out there?? They can only study, while I can do something else!! =)

Aal Izz Well

Anyway, fight or flight mode is triggered, tension is adjusted to its max. I’m ready to fight. SEM 2 here I come!!!!!

Miscellaneous

Family day didn’t turned out to be such an disappointment after all. After waking up at 6.30 a.m., Revo, then senam robik, then set up the booth, then war game, then captain ball, then make glutinous riceball, then choir practice, then finally reached home at 11.30 p.m., drained but contented. =)

!. When you make a toast, spread a thick layer of vanilla ice-cream and take a big bite, an savour the scrumptious and sweet and icy taste of the ice-cream taste……

2. I realize that I have no talent at all at making glutinous riceball… the dough will just break when I try to shape it. And not knowingly, I dipped the whole dough into the water ( instead you should take out some water and wet the dough), and it melted… ==

…

Dear all

No matter whenever you are

When you look up into the moon

And think of me

Always bear in mind that somewhere out there

I thought if you too.

Sometimes

Distance seemed to do its trick

We can’t talk

We can’t bear the sadness of separation

But somehow

We are tied by

A

Invisible thread

…

Father God, Thank You for the day, Thank You for the special time to bond with all my friends. Although it’s a special day but I’m still thankful that I gained a lot from all these programmes.. Now I want to continue to pray for strength Lord, for handling the Christmas caroling and the Christmas celebration in ktt. Give me Wisdom and intelligence so that we committees can organize a successful event and can convey the message to all the unbelievers. And I pray that all my friends will go to the Christmas eve celebration on Saturday night, I really hope they will come. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen

It's part of the Gift

A young girl in Africa gave her teacher a Christmas gift. It was a beautiful seashell. “Where did you get this??” she asked. The children told her that such shells are found only on a certain faraway beach.

The teacher was deeply touched, because she knew that the girl had walked many miles to find the shell. “You shouldn’t have traveled so far just to find a gift for me,” she said. The girl smiled and replied, “The long walk is part of the gift.”

The girl wise beyond her years, probably didn’t know that she was conveying a truth about Jesus Christ. He gives the wonderful gift of eternal life to all who believe in Him. It’s a treasure that carries with it forgiveness of all our sins and God’s never failing love.

Christ’s gift also began with a journey. He left the splendors of heaven to come to our sin-drenched earth. He took upon Himself our humanity and walked the long way to the cross. There he bore our sin and all its penalty. And when I say to him in gratitude, “It’s too much, Jesus. You shouldn’t have done it,”  I can picture Him looking at me with a love-filled eyes and saying tenderly, “ The journey is part of the gift.”

...

Oh, dear, needa look for a present soon....

Countdown to Christmas : 7 days

The confession of a murderer

Everything that has a beginning has an end.

The familiar saying is always there, reminding us that the cruelty of the reality is not going to spare our pitiful existence, not even spare minute, or even seconds of life and let us have some nick of a millisecond to draw in fresh air, to think freely, or even to be still, to be relaxed, to be unhindered by any suffocating happenings in the world. That, I truly believe that it’s a universal truth, that we human had never truly relaxed before, or put it in a more critical nomenclature, we human never let ourselves catch a breath.

Yes, again I stressed and believe that everything that has a beginning has an end.

Exemplas Gratia, the end of school holiday is an imminent outcome when you finally come to a end term holiday. This holiday had provide me means to indulge in my own seclusion, to read a good book, eating silently, wasted the whole day just lie there, ears jacked into a variety genre of music. It’s carefree lifestyle actually, and the first few days passed by in a kinda rapid manner.

However, as the holiday progressed, things start to turn sideways as the nature in us as a social creature cries out for accompaniment, for a earnest ear to talk to, and a companion at times of boredom which came out of nowhere. No man is an island, as the saying goes, implies that the true nature of homo sapiens never includes solidarity, by which arise yet another question, who then, decide to isolate from the pack of social animals and live a abnormal, unnatural lonesome life??

Forget it, the chase for the truth for all kinds of lame question in the world wouldn’t bring us any closer to the real truth. I shall delay those questions for another stories for another time, if only I’ve been granted to live that long. Human, men or women all the same, had blinded themselves with all sorts of physically-attainable wealth, that they have lost their original nature themselves. Take me for instance, I find it hard to converse, to express my own thoughts and feelings through a careful choice of words, which is the basic of building up a good communication. What had our national education methods taught us?? To be idiot literates.

Yes, where’s our generation’s mannerism?? Where’s our generation’s code of honour?? We’re just some bunch of literated, educated idiots roaming around claiming to have bright minds. What a paradoxical statement, the sheer irony drifting amidst of us, the greatest lie widely accepted by all.

And set that aside again, I know this is not usual for me to write something like this, but this I tell you : During times of despair, hours can be years, minutes lapsed like decades, seconds can feel like a century.

Time seems to drag slowly in its continuum

Moments of life stops as everything of it amplified

The pretty became beautiful

The ugly became sadistic

And I am given no choice but to murder

And finally I’ve done it

Am I’m not even gonna be ashamed of it

As if it’s something that’s ethically misleading

I just murdered

Some time

Some-little-time

Inception

Since when does "How are you?" only means a shallow greeting??

Since when does "Are you okay?" only means an ommitable pleasanties which can be ignored??

Since when does "I'm fine" only means a correct answer to the question "How are you??"

Since when does "I'm okay" only means the only answer to the question "Are you okay??"

Maybe, "I'm okay" had become a way to hide the true sheer hurting from this befallen society.

SHOO!! SHOO!! Hiatus

What right or wrong in this world?? Is something right something that makes us feel good when we do it; and something wrong is something that makes us feel bad when we do it?? Well, to tell you the truth, aside from conscience which do a small small part in telling us right from wrong, we’re solely depending on what we had learned from our surrounding, or in other words, our culture.

Parents teaches us not to smoke, we know that smoking is not good for us, IT’S WRONG

Smokers grew in an environment where all people around them smokes, they think that smoking is just right, IT’S RIGHT.

We live in a civilized society, we know that robbing is no good, IT’S WRONG

Thugs lived in slum dog area all their life, robbing is what they see, they think that robbing is good, it brings money, IT’S RIGHT

So do you see it?? The wrongs and rights are merely a perception of how we view a doing, an act, or a thought, or even an idea. It’s very dependent, greatly affected by the local culture, the environment, the surrounding where we grew. Another example, in the conservative nineties, individual of opposite sexes weren’t even allowed to be together alone, let alone hold hands, making out, having physical contact in the public.

So can you see it?? Theoretically there’re no right or wrongs, there’s only perspectives mould and make by the surroundings, cultivated by the culture, and nourished by the environment.

When I see other people treating others, especially me very warmly and with awesome hospitality, I actually felt bad and wondered why I was not like that. They can show kindness in their very own awesome way but that’s just what I can’t do, or what I’ve not being taught to do when I was younger. I guess I’m just naturally stingy.

Helo. Stingy me.

Yeah, I'm fine here..

Fellow KL people, in case you hadn't noticed, the rapid KL service had been upgraded to using token for ticket instead of "paper tickets". =)

Well, in opinion, i very much prefer the paper ticket thingy because you can actually get a hold onto something bigger and lighter instead of some token which you can lost easily as easy as you lost a coin. Somehow i think that it is some new-found strategy by the company to charge the people who lost their tokens, considering the fact that it's so easy to lost it and the worker will be just around the corner to fine you a good RM30. XD 

Anyway, it's a faster and more updated alternative compared to the in-recycle-able tickets. 

and yep, to those who are concerned, i'm now safe and sound at my aunty's house. and from the look from the picture, i think i got pretty mushy as my head became a bit "mushroomish".. oh well, what can i say?? i think i rotted a lot and probably grew some fungi while i'm in my college.

Anyway, i'm so amazed by my journey today that originally i have to go to ktm station by myself, be there, and take a cab to my aunty's house. Then, i have two friends to join my ride and share out my fare to the ktm station. Then, they are staying near to my aunty's house!! and i got my free ride !! =)

Thanks Paul Khoo and family for their hospitality. I was really touched by the friendliness and the love in the family. =)

And the late upload of christmas celbration at INTI college, production of collaboration between NUC-KTT-INTI. 

THIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY

FA LALALALALALALALA...

counting down to christmas : 21 days