Live Life. Love Life. Embrace Life.: 2010

泪无痕

经过许久的挣扎，我们终于得到了结果。他们要走了。

石兴牧师，章琴传道，谢谢你们这一年来的牧养，虽然时间只有短短的一年，但是你们的影响，对我来说却是多么的大。打从去年年尾你们搬进来时，我们本来只是单纯的“牧者”与“被牧养者”的关系，不熟。时间慢慢地给我们施加洗礼，慢慢地我认识了你们，你们认识了我。是你们慢慢的接近我，与我建立一个美好的关系，与我们这一班少年人打成一片。慢慢的，你们不只是我们的牧者这么简单的关系，你们成为了我们的朋友。一年的朝夕相处，根本不够，相逢恨晚。

石兴牧师，当初一眼看到你总觉得你象一只癞蛤蟆（抱歉！＝P），也听说你和少年人玩在一起也蛮疯的。在相处的日子里，你不只牧养了我，也与我分享了许许多多的个人故事，经验。你与师母的故事，也告诉了我，还教我如何面对人生，也解答了我心中许多许多的难题。

章琴传道，每次看着你那缅甸的笑容，心里温暖了许多。对我来说，你完美地显示出了一个事奉上帝的仆人的温柔与温顺。在相处的日子里，你无怨无悔，十分耐心地教导我如何处理少团里许许多多公式的东西。虽然有时我懒散，把事情做得不好，又有时忘东忘西，是你时时刻刻地提醒我。也不见得你生我的气，反而一再耐心地提醒我。谢谢。

Samuel & Stephanie, 你们真是一对可爱的孩子，是你们让我重温儿童的童真，你们的可爱，真是让人疼爱，你们勇敢地上台唱歌，真是让我佩服。Samuel，我真不知你是个多才多艺的小孩！Stephanie, 你真是太惹人爱了！！

牧师，师母，你们也让我见识到你们温柔又美好的感情。记得有一次牧师喉咙不舒服还要带祷告会，师母看了就拿了一瓶水和一粒糖，说 “帮我拿给牧师，他今天喉咙痛，拿水和糖给他……”我当时听了真的感到无比感动（虽然我不是当事人），这样的感情不用甜言蜜语，简单的一个行动，就是爱的表现了。

但是如今，牧师你要到别的堂会事奉了。短短一年的相处，我毕生难忘。师母，我也十分感激你与我们相处的时光。我会在主里思念你们，记得，我们相约在主里。

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been a really good boy this year, i do good, i study hard, and i changed alot to become a better person. For this year i did put in a lot of effort to work on my bad habits such as procrastinating, lying, being a bad liar, being lame and bla bla bla. i even done a lot of deeds, including bring joy to people. Here's some of my pics during christmas:

I saw a professional solo practice.

I witnessed a choir group which brought joy over me with their joyful singings.

I've made a stupid microphone stand by using a broken stand and wires...

being with Santa (sadly, your impersonator)

And Santalina, your assistant

Played with horns. XD

And got crushed by a stupid big white boulder.. XX

You see santa?? i'm a good good boy, and i didn't cause you any trouble for this christmas. So, can i have the present that i want so much. PLEASE??? i want it so much that i promise i'll be good for the coming Christmases. I'll be a good boy, a good young man, and finally a good man. please santa???

I just want someone i really cared about to be with me for this Christmas. Can you give it to me ??

Signed,
Joshua

10 advices for Young People.

1. “Life is not fair - get used to it.”
-> The world is never fair. You know this? You can never change the whole world. Injustice still exists in the current society, so you should try to adapt.

2. “The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.”
-> Your extreme self-esteem may make your job inconvenient. Don't attach too much significance on your self-esteem as people care about your achievements rather than it.

3. “You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with car phone, until you earn both.”
-> Normally you can't be rich if you have just finished high school. However to become an executive, you need to obtain both: a high school certificate and the money.

4. “If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.”
-> Don’t complain that your boss is tough. When you are at school, your teachers always stand by you whenever you meet problems. However if you have thought that all your problems really come from the hard requirements of your teachers, you shouldn't look for a job. Simply if there aren't strict demands from your company, you will do nothing and quickly become unemployed. Then nobody will give you a hand.

5. “If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.”
-> Don't blame your failure on your destiny. All you need now is to stay calm and start from scratch.

6. “Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.”
-> You should show your gratefulness to your parents for spending most of their lives for your living and growth. All the “outdated” of your parents today is the price they have to pay for your growth.

7. “Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life may not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.”

-> Keep in mind that you can always become a leader, so that you will have more motivation to strive for your career.

8. “Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.”
-> Don’t always wait for holidays or you will be left behind your colleagues. That backwardness means elimination and unemployment.

9. “Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.”
-> Everybody likes watching TV, but you shouldn't watch it too much. As that actually isn't your life and your thinking will be influenced. You yourself have to determine your own life.

10. “Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.”
-> You should be nice to everyone. Life has happenings you could never expect. Be open to your boss, don’t say bad things behind his back as it will bring you nowhere.

Saphira

Recently as for the aftermath of SPM exam, I start to read again, and this time I’m read Bringsir, the third book of Eragon : Inheritance cycle.

It’s basically about a farm boy, Eragon, who found a dragon named Saphira which they in the end turned out to be mate in battling the Empire as they are sandwiched between different forces such as the varden, dwarfs, elves and etcetera, etcetera…. It’s a worth-to-read book which I recommend you guys shouldn’t miss, as it has a combination of action, thriller, romance, mystery, and astounding suspenses.

One think I like the most about the story is the intimacy that bonds Eragon and Saphira, as their relationships as Rider and Dragon heightens. Between them there’s one invisible telepathic connection which allows them to communicate all time, all place. And Saphira, whose wisdom and knowledge outmatched all living things, always prove that she’s really reliable when Eragon search for help, or when he suffered from all sorts of predicament.

As I read along the story, I found out that I actually grown envious with the close relationship that Eragon and Saphira share. It’s like when you feel that all hope is gone and you feel really bad, and then there’s this warm voice that sound like “Little one…. How are you??” coming to you, providing you security and inner peace.. Note that Saphira never failed to know what Eragon is thinking and with his superb wisdom and knowledge, she solved Eragon’s problem. How I hope I have a companion or mate like this, whose mind is literally linked to mine, and understands what I want or feel….. How I wish I will find this sapphire egg which waited to be hatched in my garage. How I wish that someone will understand me as much as how Saphira understands Eragon.

SPM : day 11

Finally, Bible knowledge is being done away and sadly, it's not a good ending that we wanted, to end our secondary years....

From now on my occupation will not be "student", it'll be changed to "unemployed". Yes, I'm currently UNEMPLOYED!!!!

however, i'm not so used to my new found freedom. can't do whatever that i want to do, can't play comp till gila, can't do this, do that... haiz..... i hope i can fill my free time with something meaningful..........

And Oh ya, things are really different now compared to what i expected. Nevermind, i'll just treat it as another stage of life. Hmph...

So that's all for now, sorry for this crappy post because i'm still in a glum state. Peace.

SPM : day 10

Another day passed and this time, more students are freed from this SPM grip, except for me. Yes, sadly and again i'm still not excluded from this crazy strenuos exam as the final paper is coming in 2 days time. This time i feel more lonely than ever, and i'm one of a few who were left out from the freedom after SPM.

anyway, Chinese paper is done for once and for all this time. Can't imagine some people actually forget which paper are they having first and next.

甚矣，(你)之不惠

找一天把你烧掉

anyway, have some fun with friends after the exam at The Tarot Cafe. (At first we want to go to COOCOOROM/KOKOROON/COCOROM but it closed during it's operating our, so we changed the venue in the last minute)

Stupid Blue Ocean Float, keep on leaking till the whole table is wet.

Thank you friends, you've made my day. =)

How much Does a Blogspot cost??

Recently i've been using this Web app to evaluate my Blog value, and here's how it looked :

RM 1396.88

Anyway, it's just only thousands while other websites or other blogspots may costs up to millions or hundred thousands, but for me, Stupiakboy.blogspot.com had played a very important role in my life.

As i remembered, i started my blogging career since 15 and till now, the age is 17, two and a half years of blogging journey. Been through Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter (which i wish not to encounter), ups and downs, happy, sad, EMO, not-EMO, bla bla bla....

for me, This blogspot is the best place for me to cry out to, a place where i can hide my dirty little secrets. (since there's no much local readers. XD). And sometimes, it's a friend of mine who listens, when everyone turned a deaf year, when there's no one to listen to me. For me, it's a place where my heart truly lay.

Ever since i started blogging, i start to record occasional entries, concerning life, encounters at first, then thoughts start to slide in, philosophic writings sets in. Then in the end, it ended up as a site where you can know about everything about this little boy who once started out with nothing and now a website which worth RM 1369. It has all you need to know about me, and all things that i've experience, and all my sincere comments, no lies, a place like no other.

Trust me when i say "i promise", and i promise and assure you that everything i wrote in this site is 100% truth, no cover ups, no lies, no fake news trying to get attention. And to STALKERS, if you wish to stalk me, this will be a very good way to appoach me. =)

And for all this while, special thanks again to my foreign readers, who become the majority crowd among my readers and some of my close friends and buddies, who spend time hours and hours reading my blog, sometimes listening to my worthless crappings. I hope that all of you can gain benefit from my writings all these while, perhaps spiritually or physically (if you can link it somehow). And hope i didn't unintentionally spread any hatred or misconception or perhaps hurtful words through this medium.

I don't know how will i be without this place where i can fit all my thoughts in. Thank you my Blog. =)

私はあなたを愛して

私は、私はもうあなたを扱うことができるかわからない。それはあなたが私には、私を作っているようなものだ。あなたは私のためと思われる場合は、私がしたいてきたことか私は幸せになる知られている必要があります。しかし、最終的にはあなたが、私はあなたのために考えたことは言って、しなかったことを私は決してあなたの状況を理解しています。それは私が深く私の心は鼓動を停止するまで、傷つけ、私がおかしくなりそうだまで、傷ついて一部です。それは私はあなたの状況に応じて考えたことがないですか？私は不思議では、何をすべきか、それは私だけであり、実際には私からですか？？またはあなたの心にいる他の誰かがあなたは私のようになると誰したい。私は、あなたはもう私の世話をする気がしない、すべてのi感触はあなたは私からより多くの変更をお願いされており、すべてをあなたは、何を望むか私は少しを台無しにするときに、私は最悪の気分にさせるだろうによると私はしないことを願っていますこれまで以上に。あなたは何回私はあなたがダウンしていたりエモしているときに患者てきたのことを知っていますか？と今のところ一度か二度私はよくしてきた、あなたは私が一切の権利は悲しいことにしたことを感じさせる。率直に言って、この、あなたが最も気に誰かをどのように扱うか？？

Welcome Back =D

You paint my sky blue
You paint grass green
Bright sun tinted red with your tender care
There's shades of gray in the cloud
Something in you is beautiful as the violet twilight
How can i forget that yellow is your favourite colour
And that you give my life colour
My life is no longer dull with you

SPM : day 9

Yes, it's finally over, for some people who had finished this exam. But for me, who is one of the unlucky one, still have to make it through 8 days of torture.... Hmm.... anyway, it's ending in a short while, just like an eye blink in a split moment.

Actually there's lot to ponder about.

What am I going to do after this SPM??

What's my primary goal after this??

Who will I be??

Where will I go??

How will I end up??

I don't know. Frankly.

I'm just afraid that things are not going to be in their usual rhythm after this strenuous exam. Just as state as a law proposed by Robert Hooke. "The extension of a spring is directly proportional to the load exerted on it, PROVIDED that the spring constant is not exceeded." This is what i fear. What if the constant is exceeded?? what am i going to do if things doesn't make up anymore like how they use to be?? Should i let go?? Or keep holding on??

Guess i got 8 more days to find it out.

And for those who just finished their exams...... WORK YOUR BRAIN NOW!!!!

p.s. to a bunch of accountants who are going to have their test tomorrow. Good luck and all the best!

SPM : day 8

Ya, i forgot.

Someone left His/Her Textbook straight after having the test !!!!!

Guess he/she is too happy till he/she left their long-year companion alone on the corridor".....

SPM : day 7

This post is so not going to be in SPM-mood. so, skip it if you might complain that this posts is too crappish or long in some way that you can't get to continue reading. However, just bear in mind that what i said or mention in this posts might be an enlightening one. depends on each one's needs.

I found out that someone have to learn a lesson the hard way, though there're always people, or perhaps a secret guardian angel whispering by the ear, talking, speaking, refrain, and guide to prevent anything bad. but they just got ignored, as if those were just a routine of a day. Sometimes i really thinks that we should just accept views from other person. Open Up. Held Liberty. Our ears will be opened to more advices and our journey will be brighter with light.

And don't feel weird when i say i'm tired or too stressed out to commit furthermore commitment, or perhaps passion towards something or perhaps, someone. though it feels good to have someone who deserves your utmost care and attention, but circumstances always turns out otherwise. You got hurt, you worn out, you encounter stuffs that are not suppose to happen. Then, you start to give up, feel like throwing everything away, things you like, people you love, or even something you care about. And soon, depression sets in and you realized that you've lost the purpose of life, and as if things are not as THEY USED TO BE. Some of the past sweet reminiscence, now only remain as feeble shards of memories, shattering memory remnants. Things fade away, you barely believed that those great things happening to you had actually happened in the past.

You Start to doubt, were these things worth to dying for?? Should i love it as much as i could?? Questions Questions Questions.You'll start to feel crazy, things fall apart, wall of the world crumpled down.

与我说话，是你对我的迁就.
不与你说话，是我对你的迁就.....

When you gave up, perhaps you'll find a New World from a whole new perspective. of course you'll ease a little. and you'll feel better than before. but at the same time you'll be deeply regretting over the cruel decision that you've make that breaks souls, kills passions, put out love. After all, it's only a choice, all about a choice. And to be or not to be, that's the question.

Maybe you'll think that what you've now is very bad and you can't wait to let it go. just like as Someone once said "letting go....". BUT (Statements always comes with a BUT), if you after somewhile realize that what you've let go is the best, what will you do? crying over a splat of spilled milk?? regret?? What if you'll never find something, or someone as good ?? What if you're left with nothing but regret??

So, i firmly believe that who i have now is the best. And i'll never regret that i made this particular choice.

风筝
我
我牵着那细细的绳
你我之间有差离
绳断
风筝飞
人散
我
离开

There's always this intimate bond that ties each individual to someone who are dear to them. like planets tied to the galactic system with a strand of weak orbit. There's always this distance that separates people from people. And in the end, you no longer knew the one who you knew deep into your heart. What you firmly believe in the past, is Buried in an unmarked grave, unwanted and not remembered.

我的心
停在迷蒙的五月天
留恋的花蕾
含苞待放...

感人的山盟海誓
如今只能
默默
悼
念

SPM : day 6

想对你说…

在忙忙、茫茫、盲盲的考试季节里

我即花了五分钟

呆呆地看着你画给我的心型

知道你不喜欢听

罢了

让这几行冷冷的字

蕴藏我对你暖暖的思念

听起来

再窝心也不迟

SPM : day 5

Now entering the day 5 of the exam and sadly, i think no one aging 17 had viewed my recent updates on this major exam. anyway, we're still somewhere in this world, struggling to strive in this seemingly pointless exam. Good luck to those who're still struggling, as a matter of fact WE ARE STILL ARE. Special thanks to any local or foreign reader who viewed my blog endlessly from time to time.

About the exam we had today, MORAL. nothing come out much from the textbook apparently, which makes me wonder why are we spending so much effort on reading its textbook while the outcome turned out not to be in our expectation. luckily, i'm not one of those hardworking lads who worked really hard to memorize the agencies name, function of particular law act, and the purpose of some voluntary body. Sorry, but i have to say that luck doesn't favour you all this time. Now my focus is shifted to the coming "Boss-level" (concept introduced in my previous-previous post), physics, which we're only given a night to revise on. i wonder if i had to went through a sleepness night to cover all the syllables again.

And at the same time i recalled a particular incident that took place a few days back, which i unknowingly broke someones heart, i guess, as "you" won't want to react to my "sickening" voice anymore. I admit that i'm truly selfish by that time and i'm sorry. i don't know that that'll cause so much displeasure to you.

And lastly

Ooo. Can't nobody do it like you.
Said every little things you do.
Hey baby say
Stays on my mind
And I
I officially missing you.

SPM : day 4

Entering the day 4 of the exam suddenly i was caught up with this strange flu disease which completely destroy my voice and shatter my concentration. the deterioration of my voice even resulted in my poor performance during the singing session in church which causes me to have a precious "talk" from my seniors..... anyway, the talk was enlightening and i was reminded of some old stuffs.....

due to the seriousness of the cold and the possibility to get an infuenza, i wore a mask as if i was in the middle of the outbreak of H1N1 disease.

thought it'll look cool or at least having some killar-feel but sadly my sis complaint that it look like a rapist..... total failure....

by the way, the examiner watching over the examiner seem slacked off a bit and get a bit heart-lighten as their alertness drops drastically. for example, while he escorted me to the toilet and is suppose to wait till i'm out of it, then escort me back, he went somewhere to grab a cup of coffee... hmm.... perhaps this give me some chance to cheat?? hmm.... just a thought...

SPM : day 3

The above picture shows what you'll get when you only get three hours of sleep. hmmm.... are you squinting into the picture but not knowing what I'm refering to?? look closer, look at the dark ring around the eyes, carefully. Yeah, you got it.

Sejarah is finally over, after long hours of sleepless nights finally my hardwork paidoff. i think i should have sleep less for the sake of this stupid subject, as the paper came out to be harder than i expected and those spotted topics didn't come out. so to those who tries to spot topics, good try and good guess, but perhaps it's not the best. =)

i guess this is what studying is about in Malaysia, Study, Be examined, and Forget. Dasar Pendidikan Malaysia, really interesting.......

Guess the more we attend those mass exams, the less tense we get. During the last time i sat for UPSR, i remember i was really tensed and really worked carefully through out the exam. PMR still okay. But now, i realized i even sit on the chair with two legs lifted up. Is it i am too relaxed?? Hmm.... no worries, no affect on my potential..

And my face turn " O.o " when the examiner joked with me.

He took my draft paper, crumple it, and put it back on my table, smiling.

SPM : day 2

well, i'm going to post the photo of my second BRANDS i had in my life. hmmmm..... i wonder why the camera snapped, saved in the memory and yet can't be found in my memory drive... Hmm....

English, i was kinda caught off guard when i decide to write about an essay with the topic "Home" (not sure why i chose that topic in the first place.......) I wrote it in Present tense!!!!!! *sigh* i wonder why people should write their essays in past tense while we all live in the present. so, quoting form Edward Lim, "Present tense sound so narrative". Yeah ed, i agree... i have a very "fun" time narrating the story....

And as it was analogous to computer games, after some lame levels here comes the "boss level" for the week : Sejarah. i couldn't find anyway to overcome it, perhaps intimidate it. guess i should take some drastic measures.... hmmm.....................

P.s. thought i was going to released from the BM grasp but when i opened up the sejarah notebook, i was screaming : "WTF! why is there BM in my notebook!!?"

微笑背后,
是一种憔悴
也许下雨，
也是一种
美

SPM : day 1

See?? it's the pic taken on the day 19 days from the Sijil Pelajaran Cemerlang exam. now, it's officially the first day of the exam. PFFF......

It's still kinda fresh in my memory that last year we, the form 4 ones are the one smiling and laughing at the form 5s while enjoying the start of our holiday. but now, it's like in a blink of an eye and "poof!" SPM time for us, and for the form 4s '10, they did the exact thing that we did to our previous batch of form 5s...... So, i guess this is karma huh?? and oh ya, time flies, it feels like there's only a separation of a millisecond between the precious pic and the next pic :

My first BRANDS for my first 17 years. it's kinda nice actually, compared to my usual brand of FOMEC. it taste kinda like ketchup. haha. anyway, i can't sleep while trying to have a nap in the noon.

And should i scream because i'm going to have a bottle of BRANDS every morn??? F.Y.I, my momma wants me to do so because these BRANDS need to be finished in order to take part in some competition..... -.-"

anyway, today we have BM and to my surprise, one of the question spotted by Mr. Bahludin comes out in the paper!!! "Peranan Anak kepada Ibu Bapa". and after that i texted Mr Bahludin about his accuracy on the paper. he replied :

"Ya kah? Wah memang bagus! Harap kertas 2 pun macam tu! U memang bagus, tak ada masalah!"

erm..... teacher, is that supposed to be called broken Malay?? Bahasa Rojak. i guess he's under the "serunai malam" syndrome. to those who can't make any sense out of that, go figure....

and then i thanked him again to express my gratitude. He replied:

"Ok! Good luck in ur exm. by!"

i was furthermore lamed.... -.-""

anyway, it's time for me to forget all BMs i learned for this 11 year, 14 if pre-school education is included.... and rack up my mind on the subject that was taught by a lethal teacher....

All the while i've been wondering, Who's Rimpa?? sounds familiar but no memories about it.

DIE

Specially Dedicated to the author of Thousandcelestial.blogspot.com. =)
Enjoy!

LOl.... wal, i'm sure it's up to your taste Xp

The empty seat

He stared to the corner
The empty seat
Alongside with other chairs
In the class.

Memories strung into a harmonious tune
Reminiscence plays its angelic rhythm
Thoughts of he and she replayed like a flashback
As those knitted into a sweet dream

Stunned
He thought he caught a glimpse of her
On that empty seat
He sure had missed her
Rather much

Smoker no smoking! Smoker no smoking!

Recently I've been shown the latest anti-smoking campaign advertisement that look like this:

Yeah, i admit it's kinda nice cause it introduces a brilliant way to stop others from smoking, or at least in-verbally shout "shame on you ! smokerssss...." into their head.... yeah, i like the idea...

Hmmm.... wait a minute, if we do this on some short-nerved smokers, will we get squashed or bashed up instead of having them obeying us?? We never know when they will lose their brain and pounce on us, beating us up, shouting at us with breath enriched with smoker's breath....

Quite a risk erh??

After Halloween. SO??

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Friends are not someone or something that we look for, they looked for us. Sometimes they come with various purposes such as seeking for help, sharing a hobby, pouring out sad stories et cetera, et cetera... but anyway, they're friends.

And in this post i would like my fellow readers to meet someone even more special than ordinary friends who we meant "he's just a friend". Readers, meet "true friend". =)

A true friend from what i observe and know is someone that accompanies you whenever and wherever you are. They are that shadow that Follows you everyday and night, not necessarily literally "be with you all the day", but through the means of phone calls, messages.....

And is a common thing that they Don't talk. The thing i meant here is they didn't have to be talkative, bubbly, or even friendly. They are the person who do stuffs to you without you knowing, and never told you about it, as if he/she is serving you. Besides, they are the ones that would not abandon you and will turn to you whenever you need help, and they themselves do not wish for a repay. hmm..... it's kinda hard to describe them in words so as you can see, i suffered form incoherent idea expression in this post........

Anyway, they are the true friend and you shall notice that they'll still be with you in any forms even if you guys part away after graduation or got separated in order to pursue studies..... So, time shall soon show who's our true friend...... for the Form 5s........